Going through a break-up is a grieving process and it takes time

The day you realise you are no longer in a relationship can be emotional.  If you initiated the break-up, you may feel liberated, empowered and satisfied.  You may also feel anxious and afraid even though you did call it quits.  If your partner ended your relationship, the feelings you may be experiencing are denial, confusion, scared, resentment, and uncertainty. 

It can seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, however there are some things you can do to make the transition from relationship to single life easier:

1. Remember it will take time. Let time be your friend. Don’t hurry the process.  Don’t be afraid to face your emotions. Journaling how you feel can help with how you are feeling.  Not into journaling?  Try this simple exercise – when you wake up in the morning, first thing before getting out of bed, grab a note book and write everything that is in your head, the way you feel, what you need to do today absolutely everything.
 
2. Look after yourself.  Making sure you are looking after your body, mind and soul.  Feeding your emotions with a slack diet or drinking more than you should won’t help you in the long run.  By simply making a menu list and shopping list for the week of wholesome real food, you will find you will have more energy and can think much clearer.
 
3. Get professional support. Once your break-up happens, you may not be thinking 100% clearly so don’t make any major decisions without correct legal advice.  Even if your relationship ended amicably, getting yourself the right advice will help you in the long run. You may need to also talk to your Accountant or Financial Planner to ensure you are on the right track financially.  If you find yourself struggling, a support coach such as break-up coach, can support you, and help you move forward during your break-up.  Your coach can tailor your sessions to your situation and give the support you need. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. 
 
4. Setting intentions.  Set daily, weekly and monthly intentions and stick to them.  Add them to your calendar with alerts.  By setting intentions you allow yourself to see the future more brightly.  
 
5. Get active.  Join a gym, bootcamp or start going for walks around the neighbourhood. 

Find a friend who can be your workout buddy and get fit
 
6. Keep busy.  Plan your days to keep yourself busy.  By keeping yourself busy you won’t have time to sit and consume yourself with your break-up.  Get out of the house and start getting active. 
 
7. Stay connected.  Surround yourself with happy people who will support you in a positive way. Family and friends are great support, however, if you find them being negative or confused themselves, maybe it’s time to join a new group. What is something you are interested in that you haven’t been able to do while in your relationship?
 
8. Self-awareness.  By allowing yourself to be open to meditation, you will find yourself calmer and more aware of what feelings you are experiencing.  Give yourself 5 minutes in the morning, find a quiet spot, take a deep breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.  Repeat this as you close your eyes.
 
9. Write your goals down.  Choose 3-5 goals you wish to achieve in the year.  List your goals and write an action plan under each of them.  Start living the life you desire now. 
 
10. Finding new love.  You may find yourself wanting someone special in your life, someone to share your life with, as you are missing your ex.  Give yourself time to heal.  Don’t jump into a new relationship for the sake of being in on.  There is plenty of time to meet your special someone. 
If you choose to start dating, go in with an open mind, and don’t be too serious.

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I recently saw a saying on social media and it rang bells with me “The signs you ignore in the beginning are the reasons you leave later. You know right away who’s good or bad for you, don’t ignore that”. So true!

With that I want to share some red flags for when you venture back into the dating world.

Red flags... we tend to not notice in the early stages of dating because we are smitten with him…hmmmm

Ok, so you have decided to ‘get back out there’. It’s seems like forever you have been on a date, right? Well… how do you know if you are dating the right person for you? The only way to find out is to put yourself out there, but first, you need to know what you don’t want in a partner.

Easy enough…. But difficult when you begin to date another who seems perfect on the surface and has you smitten blinding you from the red flags.

For me I have been pretty much single for 4 years, partly by choice and partly by the red flags! Perhaps I have become too comfortable in my singlehood, picky, or just have no patience for a relationship. Whatever it is, you need to ask yourself are you ready to dive in deep with another or are you choosing to see the red flags and move on?

Ok, so here I am 4 years single and have dated on and off, what are some of the red flags?

He focuses on sharing too much of his hatred towards his Ex
It’s a sure fire sign the issues he has of his ex and his hard done by from his ex, is a red flag. A sign he has not let go, is the victim, nor not accepted the break-up for whatever reason. At first I use to think, well he feels comfortable sharing such thoughts, however it is a sign to ‘get out of there’. Someone who focuses on sharing hatred towards their ex is clearly a sign… should you delve into a relationship with this person? Think… you will be surrounded by negative energy and energy that will not go away, there will always be an issue. Something you don’t want in your life. RUN…

Everything is about him
So you are on a date and he tends to speak about himself, constantly… Has he asked you a question about you? Does he interrupt you to share his story when you are sharing something about yourself? When you are getting to know someone, you want to learn about them as they should about you. If you are not able to share and it’s all about him and his life, ask yourself, how do you fit into his life should you jump into a relationship with him?

He becomes too serious too quickly
He is texting you and calling you constantly. Oh it’s nice to have someone new showing you attention. What attention is it you want though? Constant texting “what are you up to” “what are you thinking” “I miss you” all day every day and you have just started dating. This is a sign he has a desperate plea to “let’s move in and live happily ever after”. Someone overtime who could be controlling of the relationship. A new relationship should begin with boundaries. Perhaps you have been single for some time therefore it is nice to get to know someone slowly, while you still have your independence. Jumping into a full on serious relationship with no independence or space is a clear sign it will not last. Watch the signs of how eager your new bae is.

Changes his status of how long he has been single for
If you find yourself with a person who seems to change how long he has been single for, ask yourself has he accepted his separation/divorce? I found I was dating someone who from week to week would change his single status up to a year different! If he is not clear on when he ‘separated’ from his ex, how will you know you will always have the true ‘him’ in the relationship. Does it matter how long he has been single for? And why is he always changing the time of separation? Has he accepted his relationship with his ex is over? And why the justification?

He check’s out when things are tough
If you meet someone who seems to be ‘the one’ but he check’s out and puts his emotions in a box when things are tough, ask yourself, will he be a supportive partner moving forward when you are both going through life together. The reality is, relationships are not always full of rainbows and butterflies such as when you first meet. It has reality in there and if he is not your partner in the early days, I can ensure you he won’t be your supportive partner when you need him the most. If he is pushing you away how can you be on the same page in the relationship? Are you changing within yourself because he check's out?

As the saying goes “The signs you ignore in the beginning are the reasons you leave later. You know right away who’s good or bad for you, don’t ignore that” check in with yourself, notice how you are feeling when you are with him and ask yourself "what do I want out of this relationship".

Don't give up, and don't change your values for the sake of being with someone. Once you know what you don't want in a relationship, you will be in more control of meeting the right one at the right time.

There are plenty of adjustments as you go through a break-up and the transition from your relationship to being newly single will take time.  There maybe many challenges coming up as you transition into your new normal, therefore keeping yourself accountable and on track will lead you in the right direction.

It can also be a confusing time, one that is completely normal to feel during your break-up.  You may be feeling loneliness, uncertainty, anger, resentment and fear.  There maybe moments you cannot control wholly and the not knowing of your future and also the unknown of how to react can be daunting.  You are not alone and with a little support and awareness of yourself, you will begin to move forward easier one day at a time.

Let me share with you 5 effective strategies you can begin to do now.

1. Don’t be afraid to cry and release everything you are feeling
Have you cried?  If not, you need to and don’t be afraid to.  Sometimes there’s nothing like a good cry to make you feel better. Some may say shedding tears to be a sign of weakness, however, crying is an effective coping mechanism to release emotions you are feeling when you perhaps cannot express them clearly verbally.  It takes away any negative feelings you may have bottled up inside and releases them. Crying can also reduce emotional stress on your body.  So let’s cry!

2. Surround yourself with a healthy group of people
Stay connected with uplifting people.  Surround yourself with positive people who will support you in a joyous way. Family and friends are great support, however, if you find them being negative or confused themselves with the break-up, maybe it’s time to join a new group. What is something you are interested in that you haven’t been able to do while in your relationship? Who can you reach out to?

3. Ensure you are sleeping enough
Sleep plays an important role in your overall health.  Ensuring you gain enough sleep will begin to heal and repair your heart.  Studies have found that short sleeps can negatively impact some aspects of brain function similar as alcohol intoxication.  With that, try to have at least 7 hours a night and this will safeguard you from making unrational decisions during your break-up.  When you sleep well, you function better!

4. Get clear on the values you live by
Going through a break-up can have you react in ways you never knew was in you and with that you may have forgotten what your values are. You may not remember or know what they are and now is a key time to get clear of what is important to you. Being clear on your values and what you live by keeps you accountable and on track, especially in tough situations. By living with your chosen values you begin to live with more purpose. What is important to you?  Write them down and when you’re having that moment of everything just seems too hard, remind yourself of your values. 

5. Stop comparing yourself to others
The worst thing you could do right now is think the grass is greener elsewhere.   Everyone has something going on.  We don’t really know what’s happening with others even if we think we do, so don’t compare yourself to the one that looks like she has it all, you don’t know.  When you start to compare yourself to others, you have already started to disengage with yourself…  let it go, don’t compare. Focus on yourself!

Starting with these five tips will keep you on track and accountable as you begin to heal from your break-up, with more love and happiness within.  Start embracing you during this transition.

It's difficult to understand what is happening in your world when you hold onto anger and resentment of the past and with your ex.  And I know we all do it, from time to time, feel anger and rage for whatever reason and coming out of a relationship we can feel not only anger but animosity towards the ex, the situation and even ourselves.  When you do this, you are destroying your chances of living with joy.
 
Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
 
You’re probably asking me “How does one feel great pleasure and happiness when one has just had their world turned upside down due to a break-up?” 
 
Let me tell you there are a few things you need to do to live with joy during your break-up.  You need to forgive, you need to choose gratitude and you need to accept the break-up.  When you forgive, holding onto anger is difficult.  When you choose gratitude, you feel lighter from within.  And once you accept it’s real you become free to move away with ease.
 
What if you could see the gifts in the break-up and in your ex? How would you feel if you chose love and gratitude first?  What could you be grateful for?
 
If you chose to forgive what you receive is freedom within yourself.  By forgiving others and this includes yourself for the break-up, you allow yourself the power back into your life. You gain yourself back.  Forgiveness will set you free.
 
And when you choose gratitude and choose forgiveness, you can then accept the reality of your break-up. Nobody likes a break-up, it damn well hurts, but it can happen… so let’s learn to navigate through it, with peace and joy.
 
Make the choice to find the gifts during this change.  I am not saying it’s going to be easy or the gifts will be easy to come by at times, but for me it taught me to understand myself, for I had lost my identity, I didn't even realise this loss during the transition of my break-up.
 
For me… I was still growing as a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a colleague, a friend. Let’s face it we are forever evolving and what I didn't know was I was stuck, I had let a relationship that was no longer serving me for me and with that I wasn't evolving.  I lost who I truly was and it wasn't until I left and started to rediscover who I was that I found myself again.  It was a scary step and it took time, and there were struggles, but once I decided to choose gratitude and joy over anger and resentment, the shift came.  I not only forgave my ex but I also forgave myself for the relationship.
 
It's difficult to understand what is happening in your world when you hold onto anger and resentment of the past with your ex. Being able to understand what your ex is feeling and was feeling in the relationship, seeing it not only from your view, from your side, but looking at the relationship from their view and their side too will help you accept. At first I held such anger towards my ex, towards myself and it wasn't serving me, it was hindering my recovery.
 
Going through a divorce can bring up a lot of feelings and not just from your divorce. It can bring up other significant painful feelings throughout your life. Ones that maybe you never truly dealt with. For me there were ones that showed up on the worst possible moments when I was trying to work out all the roller coaster emotions I was experiencing. I had to back track and deal with all of the pain, I needed to see it for what they were and did out of the repressed pain and accept. Forgive. I needed to be ok with all of what I was feeling. By giving myself the time to feel all the emotions and understand what was happening gave me the power, the power that gave me back.
 
No matter how hard and painful your break-up is right now, remember choosing anger with resentment and hate, will not serve you.  The energy you are using is energy wasted.  Whatever you put out into the world with your thoughts and actions, you will receive back, so be mindful what you are focusing on during your recovery. Take a moment to tune into your thoughts and actions today. Have they been full of love and joy? Or of anger and negativity? What you put out into the world you receive right back to you. Show love and love will find itself back to you.
 
I promise.
 

We have all been through a break-up and when that first moment is all too real and your relationship is over hits, it hurts… a lot… your heart aches, your appetite disappears and all you want to do is cry, or scream, perhaps both.  However the reality is, at some point you need to let go to move on.  Maybe this is not your first break-up and you have been through it before, and you know you will survive the break-up.  I know it’s hard at first when you are in it, but you will get through it, you just have to let go.

Let me share some tips to help you in the first instance so to having the letting go come easier and having you move on sooner.

Remember why the relationship ended. I am a huge believer we need to focus on the positives from a relationship that has ended, and I don’t want you to stop that, sometimes we tend to want our ex back because we are lonely or scared of the unknown as a single person, so we tend to forget what brought the relationship to the end.  I don’t want you to dwell on it, but for a moment what was it?  Was it him? Was it you?  Be honest with yourself about the relationship.  Did you like the way you were in the relationship?  A lot of the times, we don’t and once you realise and release, the power of moving on sooner and living the fulfilled life you desire begins.

You may be feeling broken, scared even, as if you have been through battle, trying to survive and trying to make sense of the break-up.  Yet, you need to know in your heart, was the relationship serving a positive purpose for you.  Were you truly happy?  Were you being yourself in the relationship?  Take some time to ask yourself; who am I?  And what do I want moving forward? 

Remember, relationships last as long as they are supposed to.  It may feel raw when the relationship ends, but think of what you gain now.  Seek out the lessons from the relationship and about yourself.

Some simple ways to help let go right now, is to clear all social media.  Yes this means taking a break from Facebook or at least defriending your ex.  It may seem drastic if you agreed to stay friends, but the honest truth is, do you want to see what your ex is doing?  I say take a break from Social media just in general, as it can be time wasting and it can also hinder your healing.  Really is everything you see on Facebook or other social media platforms the true picture?  Let social media go for now.

Removing photos and other memories of your ex is a great releasing exercise.  Now I don’t mean throw it all in a heap and put a flame to it, I’m talking about either giving it back or packing it away or if it doesn’t serve a purpose, remove it from your home.  Anything that will remind you of your ex, needs to go and now.  Don’t be hard on yourself when removing items, but remember this is a process and it will take time, but when you begin to release you begin to let go.

Letting go is a way to own yourself back.  Because no one lives their life exactly how they want to today by choosing to wish the past to appear.  The past is that, the past, and you now need to live in the now for a brighter future.  A future where you have control on how you want to live your life.  A life filled with love and joy. And not letting go of the past relationship will have you confused moving forward.

It’s hard to let go, especially when you are wishing your ex back, I’ve been there, but once you begin to love yourself more, you see a brighter future.   It’s like if you decided you didn’t like an outfit anymore maybe it doesn’t fit the way you would like it, would you keep wearing it?  I know an outfit is different to a relationship, but let’s be honest, if it’s not making you happy and you are not being yourself, then why stay. And we all know we would have not worn that outfit again.

My question to you is, how much do you love yourself? Do you want to wake up each day hoping and craving for someone that isn’t right for you? Or do you want to love yourself more each day and live the life that will make you want to wake up and see the beauty all around.  If you choose you first after your break-up, it is then and only then, you will be brave enough to walk the walk alone and when you have the beauty of confidence, anything is possible for you and a relationship.

It’s not the end of you, it’s the end of a relationship.  And when one door closes on a relationship, it makes room for another door to open.

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Over the past year I have had many women and men ask me how to date successfully.

Dating... ha, where does one start. Everyone has a different view, opinion and approach. The key thing is to be yourself 100%, don’t try to be someone else to impress another. If nerves kick in, let the person know how you are feeling, being open and honest will ensure the experience is comfortable and enjoyable (well after those nerves disappear).

Being in a relationship you tend to become comfortable, not really thinking about aspects of your life as you would as a single person who is dating. Whether you have been in a relationship, for a year or 20, the thought of spending time with another person and getting back out there in the dating scene again can be daunting. I know from my own personal experience and from working with others to know it is a normal feeling to have. So don't dismiss it and avoid dating if you want to venture out there.

Today I want to share with you my successful tips when you are ready to embrace dating:

1. Don‘t over complicate it. People can over complicate, over analyse dating, but the reality is, dating doesn’t have to be hard. Look at it as meeting new people. Don’t go into a date as, oh could this person be the one? Go into a date as I am having an opportunity to meet a new person. Having a connection, a conversation, a drink, a meal whatever it is. Look at is as getting out of the house!
2. Think about it as an opportunity to learn. Learn about new people you meet. Learn more about yourself when meeting people you may not normally meet. It’s a wonderful chance to see how you interact with another who may not be from your usual circle. Choosing to be open minded to the new possibilities will have you learning plenty about yourself and how you interact.
3. Go into a date with no judgement. Be open minded and not critical. When you go in with an open mind, you may actually enjoy the company. The reality is you won’t be your true authentic self if you put too much pressure on the date itself. Embrace the person you are meeting, they are also in this and want to meet someone new.
4. Be positive. So your first impressions is of I can’t do this… I’m scared… This person isn’t what I thought (on appearance) but what if you can turn it around and see the light of this person is here to spend time to get to know you. Enjoy the company. For one it is getting you out of the house and two you never know what will happen. You may end up with a beautiful friendship.
5. Don’t talk about your ex and past relationships. It can be hard to not talk about your past relationship, especially if the person you are meeting is talking about their ex. If you find they are talking about their ex, or you are, why not try to be mindful and stop yourself or the person you are spending time with. Even if the topic can be of a mutual situation, it isn’t really showing the other person who you are, it will highlight negatives, and the energy will change. Focus on sharing some positives about yourself. When the conversation focuses on the negatives, I can assure you it will be more than likely to not go any further.
6. Be honest, let them know how you feel. Should you feel uncomfortable, express how you are feeling, if you sense it to be safe. The worst thing you can do is stay longer than you need to if you really feel there is not connection. If the person you are meeting is feeling more towards you and you don’t it would be best to share you don’t have the same mutual feeling. It’s not a negative thing to express. Honesty is definitely the best policy. And vice versa, if you are keen on this person, without being too over excited, express how you feel, at the end of the day you are two grownups and should be able to express how you feel.
7. Be yourself. I mentioned before to be yourself 100%. If you are not, it could be the worst thing you could do. Don’t apologise for who you are. If you like to have a laugh, have a laugh, if you want to comment and pull yourself back to not show your authentic self, then is this the person you should be spending time with? There is something beautiful about being yourself, your whole self, so embrace you when you meet someone new.
8. A kiss goodnight is ok if you feel comfortable. If there is an attraction, there is no point shying away from a goodnight kiss. A kiss can tell you a thousand things. Is there the chemistry attraction that you were feeling during your time with your date? Be true to yourself, if a kiss on a first date is something you don’t do, then don’t. Talk about it with your date, express how you feel. I’m not saying you have to have a goodnight kiss, but if you feel it, why not.
9. Show good manners. Good manners can go a long way. What you put out there and how you show up will make a difference to your dating experience. Thank you and please can make a nice impression. Showing respect towards another is an attractive trait.
10. Have fun and relax. When was the last time you went on a date? The key is to have fun with it. You have an opportunity to meet new and wonderful people, just as they are willing to meet new and wonderful people. Don’t go in all stressed, in fact, it’s a great excuse to dress up and possibly have an enjoyable night out.

At the end of the day, just be yourself. There is only one of you and make sure you are enjoying the next chapter in your life as a single woman, because what is to come will and can be an amazing experience, not to mention a loving relationship when you meet the right person.

If you are still unsure about getting out there, my dating support may just be your answer. You can find more details here, or email me at single@joannemichelle.com.au.

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Break-ups suck!  There I said it.

Let’s face it we have at some stage in our life been through one.  And it was painful.  Some take longer to move on from the relationship and some can be ok while moving forward in a positive way.

The reality is it will take time.  And you are human.  Meaning, you need to be ok with everything you feel about your break-up.  The ups.  The downs.  And everything in between.  Break-ups are not supposed to feel awesome, even if you chose to leave.  So if you initiated the break-up you may have the ability to move forward with strength, and be ok when there are days, and moments, snippets of here and there that will bring up an emotion.  Don’t ever push your feelings, your emotions that pop up away.  By doing this, you really are just putting a band aid on it.

Ignoring how you are feeling, will prolong your recovery.

I come across so many people in different stages of their break-up.  One key thing I see in most… is  without understanding yourself during this time, it will be difficult to navigate away from the relationship and gain self confidence back. What won’t help you through your break-up is hostility towards your ex.  Anger towards your ex.  I want you to show grace and dignity during this transition.  And why the hell not!  You are amazing. 

Do you remember who you were before you were in your previous relationship?  A lot of time one forgets.  We get so caught up in the relationship and the break-up, that we forget who we truly were.  And are today.  So who the hell are you?  What is it you want in life? Big questions, and ones that need an answer, maybe not right this moment, however, you do need to get clear on who you are as you transition from your relationship and into the new you.

How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning?

I want you to stand tall.  I want you to own who you are.  I want you to show class and dignity towards your ex and towards yourself.  You have a choice right now on how you react, and how you behave.  Use your energy in finding the positives.  Use your energy in loving yourself a little more each day.  Can you imagine if we all showed a little more love to each other and to ourselves, and thanked the relationship how much easier it is to move on. 

It will take time and it can be difficult, but you have it in you.  So let’s rejoice together and stand tall!  Support is here for you. 

Remember to download your free eBook on successfully navigating from your break-up. 
Click here to download today.

A free Facebook group has been setup for you and I want you to join it with me.  Together we can get through this one day at a time.  If you are an Aussie woman wanting to feel empowered, join me today.  Click here to join.

I hear often...
“But I’m a single mum, I can’t do that or commit to that”. 
“I’m a single mum and don’t have the funds”.
“I’m a single mum and it’s hard”. 

I know I have been there with the same beliefs.  The words I use and the stigma of being a 'single mum' had me thinking recently, are we focusing more on the ‘victim’ mindset of being a single mum and the reality it is hard, or could we change the negative stigma of what a ‘single mum’ is and embrace the endless possibilities of being empowered.  Sure we have tough days, and maybe we can’t have everything we had before.  But having a negative mindset with being a single mum I don’t want anymore.
 
Because I am a woman, yes a single woman, yes a mum who co parents, however, I am still a woman with a mission to live my best life.  And every time we say but… I am a single mum… but… I have to do this myself… we find ourselves living a struggled life.  The story you tell yourself is the life you will live.  You need to feed your mind with the belief you are more than a 'single mum' you need to focus on positive and empowering thoughts, thoughts, beliefs that share the story of who you want to be and how you want to feel.
 
So what about we change it?  Change the story we tell ourselves and focus on who we are as a woman and embrace the tough days because the reality is, you are better off than being is a hostile or unloved relationship.  What if you could be in a loving relationship with yourself and accept everything that comes your way. 
 
Done! 
 
Taking out the ‘single mum’ status and owning who I am has me in control of what I want in life.  It has me empowered.  It makes me want to show my children anything is possible even when your life you once thought was going one way, can in fact head in a different direction, a direction that will work well for you!  You have a choice. 
 
Who is with me?
 
What will you choose today? To accept the negative stigma that it will be challenging every day, or be empowered with a clear mindset of what you want moving forward?
 
Two effective tips you can do today to ensure you are being empowered by your status and not using it to not live your life are:   
 
Have a mission, a mission of you!
I mentioned about having a loving relationship with yourself and there is no better way to get clear than writing a mission for yourself.  Let’s grab pen and paper and start writing.  Having a personal self-mission is a great way to remind yourself of who you want to be.  What is true for you? What person do you want to be today and every day after?
 
Getting clear on your core values.
Getting clear on your core values, sets you up day in and day out.  It enables you and ensures you are on the right track with you daily choices.  If you are always telling yourself the story of struggle but one of your core values is striving to do my best everyday.  Then how does that work for you?  Get clear and live the way you want to.  Choose 3-5 important core values for you, not for anyone else but for you to live by.

Embrace who you are and change your mindset, change the story you are telling yourself and live your life all of it the ups and the downs and be empowered everyday.

As 2017 comes to an end and the holiday season begins, it's a time of love and excitement.  However, you maybe reading this and dreading the thought, especially if you are navigating out of a break-up or going through a divorce.  You may want to skip over this season and bypass it.  I know how you feel, I have been there, and coming to terms with being single during the holidays can add unnecessary stress on oneself if you do feel this way.

So how can you embrace the holidays this year if you are dreading time alone?

First, change your language.  The word alone can be a negative notion during these holidays.  So this year change your language and note the holidays as time on your own!  Embrace it.

If you find yourself facing the holidays on your own, know it will be okay.  It comes down to your attitude and how you show up.  Make the choice to embrace this time as ‘my own time’.

For me this will be my fourth holiday as a single woman.  As a single parent. You would think 4 years I would be used to it, and I guess at a point I am ok with it.  However, the thought of being away from my children for two weeks over Christmas and New Year, makes me a little restless.  For one I keep thinking I don’t want to be home… Home is always too quiet with no children in the house.  Over the holidays it can be more so. At the same time I have some time to give back, whether it is for me or to someone else.  So this year the fourth year I am embracing it.  And the possibilities are endless.

I mean let’s face it, the holidays without your children, or loved one can be hard to accept.  If you are with yourself these holidays, why not choose yourself first, change your focus on you and focus on what you have not what is missing.

Let’s embrace these holidays as we move into 2018 and look at the endless possibilities by choosing to be positive.  Focusing on the positives instead of the negatives will have you enjoying this time.  Look at what you have.  Be thankful for the good in your life.  We all have struggles at times but look at all the positives.  Perhaps write down what you have.  If you find yourself leaning towards the negatives, take the time to flip the not have’s and choose to find love in the have’s.

It’s so important to take care of yourself and even more so as you come out of a relationship.  I know firsthand how hard it is to accept a break-up and not being able to see your children every day, when you used to.  So when you do have time to yourself during the holidays, look at it as time for yourself.  This is a wonderful time to choose you first and take care of yourself.  Let me ask you… when you look in the mirror are you happy with what you see?  If you are not completely happy with what you see, have or where you are in life, now is the time to dig deeper.  You can download my free eBook and use the worksheets included to get real and choose you first.

Perhaps during these holidays it’s time for you and only you to take yourself on a little holiday, it can feel foreign even selfish to take time just for you, especially if you are a single parent.   Another question for you is when was the last time you did something just for you?  By taking time out and embracing singlehood could be just the answer you need.  It doesn’t have to be a luxury holiday, it could just be a road trip with a little AirBnB cottage for a few days.  A book in hand and time to just be.

If you are struggling with the thought of being on your own these holidays, why not connect with family and friends. If you feel the need to be around people, spending time with family or close friends is a wonderful way to connect with others.  Keeping active and choosing to do activities is a fun way to keep your mind off being single or missing your children if you are feeling alone during the holidays.  Embrace the beauty of the company of others and ensure it is of a positive nature.  You want to be surrounded by people who will lift you and embrace the holidays in a positive way.

Could a new project be just what you need to do?  As you navigate and reconnect with yourself after a break-up choosing a new project is a great way to lean towards a positive you.  Perhaps these holidays is a time for you to choose a project at home.  It’s a great way to embrace my own time.  New coat of paint, upgrade the garden, clear some clutter that has built up over the year. 

From me to you, I want you to know it will be okay and these holidays are a time to reflect and give love back to you.  For when you choose love first, anything is possible.

There is no time-line to when one heals from a break-up.  I know I have been there, and now I support women going through the same transition as I once did.  With my own recovery I have come up with 12 effective steps that helped me and now I want to share with you.

With that I have created a free eBook on how to successfully navigate from your break-up.  It's an eBook written just for you. 

You can subscribe and download your copy here. 

I wanted to be able to give something to you to have you moving in the right direction, because coming to the realisation your break-up is real can be daunting and I understand how you maybe feeling right now. With my eBook, I  want you to do what you can and to have an understanding of what steps need to be completed to move on successfully. 

My gift to you is to set aside some time, print off your worksheets from the eBook and answer the questions honestly as you navigate through the 12 steps.  Each step completed will be different for each person, and I want you to know if there is a step that is challenging you, I am here to answer any questions you may have.

Right now you need to invest in yourself, your everyday, your health and your happiness.  Keep reminding yourself of that, especially if and when you’re feeling unmotivated or overwhelmed. Remember the beginning of something transformational is always challenging.

 You’ve got this! and I am here for you, supporting you all the way to the new you.

It gives me such pleasure to know I am here for you and I want you to focus on the present and by doing this you are able to create an amazing future.  Many of us allow our past to define us. You are not your past, not now, not ever. It is time to forgive yourself to forgive your ex. From a break-up, you will learn and grow, you need to embrace everything you are feeling.

If are having trouble moving forward perhaps a one on one session with me may help you.  A session where we can go through the steps together to ensure you are on the right track and living the life you desire for yourself.

Download your eBook and begin moving forward in a positive way by:

1. Taking time to breathe.  Choose a quiet spot to just be with no distractions.
2. Journaling on how you are feeling.
3. Checking in and seeing  what your diet looks like.