The Mission of DivorceForce
DivorceForce seeks to help all people affected by divorce by allowing them to
connect with one and other. Whether you are considering a breakup, struggling through
the process, or ready to move to with the next chapter of your life, you will find plenty of
people on DivorceForce who understand what you're going through.
Meet Jeff Meshel and Greg Frank
Chairman and Co-Founder Jeff found it very tough to find accurate information and support during his divorce in 2014. With his passion for networking, Jeff understands the power of connectivity and emailed his database announcing a networking event in New York City for Divorcing Dads who had been experiencing similar problems and emotions. Connecting with others, Jeff met Greg, CEO and Co-Founder, and with Greg’s vision for an online community, they created DivorceForce. A community for others going through a divorce, a community so not to go through it alone. With its third year, DivorceForce is an excellent place to connect, an online community for men and women who are contemplating a divorce or are in the midst of a divorce.
One of the hardest things about a divorce is, you can feel very isolated and scared. During the beginning of my break-up, I found myself confused and worried. I was in a place of unknown, a place of anger and sadness having many questions with no answers. Break-ups are difficult and whether you’re in the early days of separation or finalising your divorce, having support makes a difference to your healing. Online support such as DivorceForce would have helped me during those long days and long nights of uncertainty, right there at my fingertips an online community with support from others going through the same, along with advice from experts. Now being a part of the DivorceForce community I know if I knew about the community during those hard times I could have avoided the unnecessary worry that comes with a divorce.
My experience with DivorceForce is of a professional level, however the reality is, there are many others out there struggling to work through their break-up and ultimately their Divorce. With positive feedback and encouragement from experts and also everyday people going through their own struggles, it truly is a wonderful community. With the moto: Learn from others. Ask questions. Share your experiences. Meet new friends, you can be sure to find support with DivorceForce’s online community, support you need as you move through your divorce and into the next chapter of your life. DivorceForce is hugely popular in the US and is making its way internationally as we speak.
Let me introduce to you Jeff and Greg.
Thank you Jeff and Greg for taking the time to share about DivorceForce and also about yourselves.
Jeff tell me what was going through your mind when you sent out the email to your database for the Divorce Dads council?
This is about helping people. My passion is that and I’m known, as they call me the master networker. I’ve written books on networking and based on my experiences going through a horrible divorce, I felt the need to build a strong network of people going through a situation similar to mine. I created a platform of events, where I had 50 guys in the room with a panel, looking to empower people who need help and see things from the perspective of experience of others as well as learning from some experts. And then for myself, to the other side of just helping people, I’ll met great guys and you never know what comes from that from the point of view of putting people together. Including even with some things I do within my core business.
When you both started DivorceForce, what goals, vision did you both want to achieve?
Greg: When we started DivorceForce, the vision was to build an online community, to help people and to service people who were affected by divorce. And the goal would be to empower them, and help them not only during the early stages of a divorce, the roughest part which you are going through it as well as helping people coming out of a divorce and helping them enrich and create a new life for themselves.
Jeff: On a personal level, day one I said I want to evoke change. Day one it was about a system that has never worked. It is a horrible, horrible thing that happens in terms to someone’s life and I wanted to see things change because it needs to so badly. The other side of it was, that going from a concept of helping people and putting people together, we saw the opportunity in creating this very substantial community where there is none. No one ever built one before.
And do you think you have achieved them?
Jeff: I think we are in the process of achieving them. Everything takes time. With the expression – Rome was not built in a day. You have to consider that, it’s like lego blocks you know you build that first row of blocks and the second row and third row and before you know you get into a super structure. We have a great team, we have everyone passionate about our mission. Everyone we talk to and sees what we are doing, says “oh my god, this is so needed”.
Greg: The first goal in creating the community we definitely achieved. As of today we have over a 150,000 users on the site, and close to 25,000 registered members. So while we have accomplished the goal of building the platform, we certainly have a lot of room to grow. The vision is ever evolving. We can introduce all different sorts of products and services, put businesses together with consumers. We can create different opportunities for our users to meet others, to build out the local communities, events and things like that.
What did you do before creating DivorceForce?
Jeff: It’s not so much as what I did before but what I do at the same time, I am a finance guy, real estate guy, a lender, I’m on several boards including Signature Bank here in New York City. And I am chairman for strategic forum which is very powerful networking group. So I am in a few places, and at the same time I am the chairman of this organisation, and as it goes down the road, my involvement will become greater and greater, and I will start to do live events again, and I am very passionate about the cause we have undertaken.
Greg: My background is that of Chief Executive Officer and I have been the CEO for many organisations. I have lead such areas of Business Development, Negotiation, Mobile Applications, Management, Product Marketing, and Community Engagement. For example I worked with Blackstone Mortgage Cooperation, Eclipse Alert solutions and Sutton Online.
As you both have been through a divorce yourselves, what was one of your biggest fears about divorce?
Greg: My personal biggest fear was, not being able to see my children as often as I did before. And the effect that the divorce would have on my children’s lives, especially in middle school and in high school.
Jeff: The number one fear, day one, is what I don’t know. And what I realised from day two to ten and after, is I knew nothing and I really understood very little. I had no idea what the process was like and, or the degree of being controlled, not by myself, but by my matrimonial attorney that tells me to do things a certain way and or being in front of a judge who has their own views and biases that can dictate outcomes. So I literally knew nothing and as we have gone down the road, as I have gone down the road, I have learnt a tremendous amount and that is one on the underlying missions of DivorceForce. You are not alone. It’s a team, we are all there to help each and part knowledge and put people together who are relevant to each other.
Was there one thing you can think of, you wished you had done differently going through your own divorce?
Greg: Definitely. What I wished I had done differently was left the house and initiated the divorce much earlier on, as opposed to procrastinating and waiting for the perfect opportunity to exit the marriage.
Jeff: The answer is it takes two to tango and in my case I couldn’t tango at all because I had somebody who was very extreme on the other side, very angry person. I think if I could of mitigated her anger at the outset, the cost and all the elements that made it so horrible, would have been less. That’s one observation. With other things there is not much I could of done because getting divorced metaphorically is like jumping into a pool of quick sand, once you jump in, you’re not getting out. You can’t get out. You’re not in control and as you go along you sink a little deeper, because you are just stuck in this whole process. So there is really not much I could of done, but I am really glad that I did seek out other guys like me, because their perspectives really made me much sharper and knowledgeable. They helped me make better decisions and put me in a position where I was not completely reliant on my matrimonial attorney, even though he was a very good one. But he’s process oriented, he’s not a business guy, and that breathe of knowledge is crucial.
I believe a divorce is an opportunity to learn and grow, what is the biggest lesson you have learnt from your divorce?
Jeff: Yes you do learn and grow… in some cases you do and in some cases you don’t. You learn things that are really very serious in terms to their affect on you as an individual and your children. The growth aspect of this, is maybe one day I may remarry. (By the way I don’t have an aversion of doing.) But I really think there is a distinction between, not what I learned in the divorce, but what I learned about myself, with how do you make a healthy marriage? What are the elements that provide the completeness and happiness in a marriage? Clearly I was void to that to a great degree. As that person was walking down the isle, I was thinking I am making a mistake.
You said that you realised right then, you were making a mistake? Yes. I actually married her family as I didn’t have a family. Her family are the nicest people and they embraced me and took me in. It made me fill a void that I had for a very long period of time in my life. So I was compensating. But today I want to find a real partner and I realised how important that is on a lot of levels and I understand more so now about not compromising what you really need in light of my experiences.
Greg: I have personally learned a lot of lessons, but if I had to narrow it down to the biggest lesson that I had learned, I would say that, there is no trial run in life and you know, you are playing in the big leagues. You can only do it once and sometimes you have to make very difficult decisions during very difficult times. You need to look at the divorce almost like a business transaction and you need to make very quick and important decisions that are going to affect how your experience of your divorce shapes up. Because you can make it quick and painless or it can be long and bitter.
Do you have one piece of advice you can give others who are currently going through a divorce?
Greg: I would advise anyone that is going through a divorce to educate themselves and to speak to others with experience. Because attorneys are expensive and you can probably drastically change the outcome in a much more positive way not just financially, but how you interact with others, how your children are affected if you have any children, and how your life is going to look coming out of a divorce. So the advice is to really educate yourself in and speak to people that know what they are talking about.
Jeff: The most crucial thing that I can tell you, is to try to stay out of the process. It’s easier said than done of course. But if try to sit down with your spouse and talk to them in terms of practical outcome, the costs are not just dollars and cents, although it can be very substantial. It’s emotional and it’s damaging, especially if you have children. It can go on for a very long period of time. If in fact, both parties realise it’s time to separate and go separate ways, it can be a lot better done if it can be done rationally, fairly and with an arbitrator versus getting into what’s known as motion practice and all the nonsense that is associated with this terrible process. It requires being truthful, it requires being forthright, it requires a sense of being humble to achieve that.
How have you found dating again after divorce?
Jeff: Actually in my case I met somebody while I was getting a divorce, who I was with for a long period of time, so I wasn’t really out there dating. And when I broke up with that person I went out and met a bunch of different people. I found it extremely unfulfilling, I really don’t like doing that anymore. There are all these dating apps and things out there that have different missions. I will give you an example with Tinder, which is essentially a hook up site. That doesn’t interest me. But I will date based upon somebody that I feel a potential that I would really be interested in.
Greg: It depends on what you are looking for. For me personally, I have two children, they are both 12 years of age, I have a lot of responsibilities right now, I’m building a business, so I don’t have a ton of time for dating, but the time that I allocate to it, you know I find it refreshing.
What are you most excited about for the remainder 2017 for DivorceForce?
Jeff: I am very hopeful that DivorceForce becomes and is known as ‘the community’ for people who are affected by divorce or who are considering divorce. That we become the core source, that we become the resource, that we become a place where people don’t feel they are alone.
Greg: What I am most excited for, for the remainder of 2017 for DivorceForce is launching new services and expanding our marketplace as we and really building out our audience. We have short term goals, having 100,000 users on our website this includes Premium. And I am hoping by the end of the year we exceed our goals. Not just domestically but also internationally.
Can you share a little bit about premium, one of the existing services? The DivorceForce premium component allows the individuals to communicate very effectively on our platform. So as a premium member, you can use 14 different filters, to meet others, whether you are looking for friendship, looking for education, you’re looking for dating, or just support. You can do this in a completely and anonymous way, to really help take your first steps during divorce and post-divorce and helping you accumulate to your new life. So whether you are looking for new people to talk to, whether you are looking to date, or if you are looking for people to provide support, there is no better opportunity than being a premium member and having the ability to communicate 24/7 with others that are just like you.
Lastly, the community and support of DivorceForce has inspired me as a Break-up Recovery Coach, who or what inspires you?
Greg: When I log onto the site, and I see people posting their emotions, that are scared, alone, hurt, or in a really bad way. And I see the members rally around for these individuals and start providing words of wisdom, education, support and really go out and hold their hand in a virtual way, it’s very inspiring. So for me that’s what inspires me to do what we do.
Jeff: There’s not one who, there are a lot of who’s. Anyone who is willing to help someone who is down and out is an inspiration to me. I have found some friends that have been there for me, but not everyone is as lucky. Thus, we work to make DivorceForce that place where people can find others for inspiration and support.
Thank you both for sharing and for creating a much needed service.
If you are contemplating a divorce or are in the midst of going through one, you can find more information
about joining this supportive online community at www.divorceforce.com