The importance of respectfully falling out of a relationship with your children’s father…

Have you ever found yourself talking to your children’s father about circumstances that relate to your children and find out later he has been telling your children everything.  

Or perhaps he is feeding his ego, his insecurities and saying untruthful or unnecessary words to your children, which makes him feel better, but just confuses the children?

When he does this it can make you so angry, very disappointed and upset.  Upsetting because children don’t need to hear what you both talk about.  When he does this, he is sharing one side of the story.  Children don’t need to know what adult conversations consist of.

Or do you find yourself sharing information your children really don’t need to know?  Or asking them questions about what he is up to?  And his new partner?  Using them as a source of communication because you have had enough with how the communication is going between the both of you…

I recently saw a post on a forum of a young adult whose parents divorced when he was not quite a teenager.  He shared how he felt during his parents’ divorce.  He felt like he was in the middle of their divorce that seemed to drag on for years and years.  His parents fought constantly, when he was a young child, and he was always brought into their issues, their differences, and their fights.  And now as a young Adult he is still in the middle.  It’s as if he needs to choose sides. 

How is that healthy?

Do you find yourself and your ex-spouse doing the same? 

This young man goes on to say both parents continue to put the other one down to him.  Going through the divorce he became their source of communication.  He went on and begged to not let children become involved in the hatred and disrespect his parents had for each other. 

Going through a divorce is not only emotionally hard for both parents, but it’s just as difficult for the children.

If you cannot respectfully fall out of a relationship because of what he did, or what you expected or did.  You need to fall out of the relationship respectfully for your children.

This young man was so brave to express how he was feeling.  It can be so difficult for children... are they supposed to choose? Of course not.  They shouldn’t have to choose, only to love their parents the way their parents are supposed to love them. 

You must understand your emotions, all of them. If you are not self-aware of your behaviour then you will not be thinking clearly. You need to respect not only yourself while going through a break-up but for your children.  If you behave in an unrespectful way, how will your children behave, when they find love and fall out of love as adults?  How will they know how to respectfully move forward from their ex.  If you don’t show the love and care now, your children will mimic your behaviour and the cycle will continue.

Remember to not use your children in the crossfire. 

Seek professional help if you are finding yourself using your children or your children are being caught in the middle.

If you are unsure how your children are coping, think about the last time you communicated with their father… was it respectful?  Did your children communicate to you in a way which makes you think they are stuck in the cross fire?

Children are our future and they deserve the best example from their parents.

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