You mention "I’m having a divorce party" and people look at you and say “For real”. It seems over the years we have come accustomed to linking a divorce party to something of a negative. Let’s do a voodoo ritual against the ex…, but it doesn’t have to be like that at all.
Divorce isn’t a nice thing to go through and while it may be confusing on what is the next step after signing the papers and then receiving the official confirmation it has been finalised, having a party can be very therapeutic.
By choosing to see the party as more of a celebration of your new chapter in life, the party can be so much fun.
I celebrated by having a divorce party last year with nothing nasty against my ex-spouse. It was a celebration of it is finally over and celebrating with girlfriends who have been there during the whole recovery process.
There can be mixed views on what a divorce party is. Girlfriends cheering “yeah to hell with him”, others being positive saying “what a wonderful way to finish the uncomfortable year”.
But writing out the invitations, ‘Jo’s Divorce party, a new chapter’, my daughter felt a little uneasy. She asked “why do you have to call it a Divorce Party. Why not just A New Chapter?” My daughter felt the party was of a negative spin on the whole marriage. After explaining it wasn’t about being mean or nasty about her father, but more about the New Chapter for me and to be grateful of where I had come after the break-up and the process of the divorce. She did feel ok about it, however she felt the word Divorce wasn’t necessary…
So it made me think about the word DIVORCE. Does divorce need to be a dirty word. Do we believe if we divorce we are not worthy?, and it’s negative, does it become part of who we are?
How does it make you feel?
Divorce doesn’t define who you are and if you have children, it shouldn’t with your children too. Being open and positive about the process with yourself and children will help your children understand its ok, and to understand when the marriage ends, its because the marriage has served its purpose and now it is time to move on.
These days it has become more common unfortunately, and people in society have accepted it more. I mean really, no one goes into a marriage thinking they will divorce, but the reality is, it does happen and if it does happen, embrace it. And with that there is no reason why you can’t have a divorce party.
A divorce party can mark the end of the tough road you were dealt with. It’s a great excuse to celebrate your sisterhood with all your dear friends and talk about the future and what you have installed for yourself. A divorce party is part of the healing, the final empowered moment, where you can take time to relax and laugh, scream at the top of your lungs that you can do anything you please as you accept the changes in your life.
With my divorce party, I shared wine and food, along with a cake which out of a little fun had a groom and bride. Everyone who came to celebrate my new chapter were so supportive, so much fun! I even had balloons where at the end of the evening we wrote positive messages about my future. We took them outside snipped the balloons and sent them on their way! It was catharsis to say the least.
Even though your marriage ended, not the til death do us part, it is ok and you will get through it. And by having a divorce party, you realise you will live happily ever after, with yourself and with your family and friends.
It really is a time to move forward and feel the love for yourself as you move on into the next chapter of your life.
If you feel uneasy about calling it a 'DIVORCE PARTY', then go with my daughter and call it 'A NEW CHAPTER PARTY'.