The pain in my heart, the short breaths, the panic I was experiencing I will never forget. It was the day I saw I had missed calls, voicemail messages and texts on my phone from my ex-husband. The words from the texts read… CAN YOU TALK PLEASE - CALL ME ASAP - I AM TRYING TO CALL YOU.
Those words will never leave me. My heart dropped, I started shaking, I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t speak. I totally lost it. I was staying with a friend 10 hours away and I am grateful she was there, she was great support.
I was thinking the worst. You never want to hear the worst, especially when you know it has something to do with your children. My son had an accident and was rushed to emergency, and had gone to theatre. Here I was helpless, 10 hours away and I couldn’t do a thing, except cry, scream, and cry some more.
Yes I lost it and lost it bad. I felt helpless. I was emotional, feeling sad, angry and guilty for not being there…
Talking through how I was feeling and doing some relaxation techniques, helped me clear my mind, and I was able to calm down.
Text and calls were coming in, “he is fine”, and “you don’t need to come down”. I was confused and couldn’t think straight. I knew I needed to be there. Being told “no you don’t” just confused me more. I waited up until I could Facetime my son after he woke up. He seemed in good spirit, but the look in his eyes made me realise I needed to be there. I made the bold decision to fly out first thing in the morning. I trusted my instincts and did what I felt was right.
It can be hard being a parent, and when you are a single parent even harder. The realisation knowing we cannot be there for our children all the time is tough.
Walking through the doors of my son’s hospital room, was the best feeling, there he was laying there all bandaged up and we smiled and hugged. I was so glad to be there by his side as he was.
Yes I lost it and lost it bad. What we need to remember is when a situation relating to our children comes along we do the best we can. We need to do what is in our heart, and trust our gut feeling. And when we make the decision, we go with it. It could be the right one or the wrong one, but we do what we think is best. We cannot control every situation and we need to respect our ex. My ex made decisions and I am thankful he was there to do that.
My son’s condition was not too serious thank goodness, and he will be ok.
Remember to reach out for help, when you need it. Remember to look after yourself, relaxing techniques such as meditation and EFT can help you through the tough times.
You are doing your best.