 Have I become so accustomed with the way I date these days, that I don’t even know how to have a conversation in person when a man approaches me…? It had me thinking. Recently I was having my car serviced and decided to stay while it was being completed. I made myself comfortable, minding my own business reading the final pages of this month’s book club novel (due that night). I was practically curled up on the waiting area lounge, book in hand, so engrossed as I became closer with no more than 20 pages left, when the gentleman who greeted me only half an hour prior and who took my keys for the service comes over and starts making conversation.
At first I was ok with the conversation, how many kids? what do you do for a living?, you know, small talk. As the conversation continued I realised he was trying to grab my attention, in a possible dating scenario…The question, "Are you seeing anyone?" Ok, hold your horses, what is happening here… For one it was unprofessional. And another I was engrossed in my book. But here I was thinking, can’t I just swipe you left and be done… or scroll past your profile. And if we did match, let’s do a little texting, maybe a little banter, possible innocent flirt and then talk on the phone… then perhaps meet… No, he didn’t want this, he wanted to go right into the conversation; praising how he is not a needy man, can cook, and has his own home and so on. I wanted to make eye contact to someone and give them the “can you believe this guy” look. The reality was I wasn’t interested, flattered, hmmm, should I be? Maybe… but no, wait, I wanted to read my book, swipe while I’m bored and banter when I had time. Surely online dating hasn’t done this to me The beauty of online dating is you can be in bed, in your pj’s have your nice looking well-groomed photos to show and yet, be all crumpled up, playing the game. Is this what it has become, a game, one that we do when we are bored, one that we do, when we can’t be bothered to go out and meet real people in person and have an adult conversation. Has it become something of, I’m just looking and if I get a match, great, it lifts your spirit… has it made us superficial ? I found out recently from a colleague as young as 16 are now hitting the online game, is this the only way they know how to meet the opposite sex and date? And has it now become the way for the over 40’s too… I find myself grabbing the phone when I am bored, checking profiles, getting on this online game and if you aren’t on the online game, seems I’m not interested… What has happened to me! Friends either roll their eyes that I would jump on this game, and others have joined me, joining the roller coaster where you can easily become overwhelmed, addicted and discouraged all at once. I’m not bagging online dating, I actually don’t mind it, as a single parent, it has become convenient. I have met some incredible men (and not so incredible). I have met men I would probably never meet, had conversations with different walks of life and been exposed to different lifestyles. So online dating, thank you for that, thank you for allowing a single parent to get out there and date, meet new men, but the way we communicate, has it changed? Changed for better or for worst… What do you think? I looked back to how I first started dating after my marriage break-up, it was a friend of a friend, a blind date setup, met at a bar… but overtime, you look around and everyone is on their phone, swiping! No one is looking up to have a grownup conversation. So with that I tried different types of online dating sites, and became consumed at times. Seriously is there online dating anonymous! Why can’t dating be like it was back in the day, you meet someone out in public there is a casual chat, ok so I guess just like the car service guy, yet all I kept thinking was, you’re in my personal space, please leave. I wonder if I felt this way because I have adapted to online dating, or was it just him? Online dating, have you ruined me, or am I just getting with the times like the young ones..? Ha! Are you dating? And if you are, are you feeling like me? I would love to hear from you. Could it be, I'm the only one out there feeling like this… Until the next swipe… happy dating.
1 Comment
Frederick
7/19/2016 12:22:09 am
I'm not dating, I'm married fifteen years, but my husband and I met online in the innocent Golden Age of Internet dating, pre-app. As an outside observer I think that the superficiality is revealed by, not caused by, these ubiquitous apps. Narcissism has overwhelmed our culture to an extreme I never imagined. Leave a Reply. |
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