Who are you?
Where do you want to go?
And who have you been?
Ok so we know who you were in a relationship right… a wife, a partner, a girlfriend, but when that ends and you find yourself single, do you know who you are? And when you were in a relationship did you know who you were besides a wife, a partner or a girlfriend…?
We tend to question everything when our relationship ends. Who am I? What went wrong? What is my path? Where to now? What should I do? The unknown can be overwhelming… But the question to you right now is if you were a wife, a partner or a girlfriend, did you really know who you were besides that in your relationship? We tend to mould as one and forget who we are, which in some cases is why relationships end.
Being true to yourself in a relationship or as a single person is so important, and we forget this too often.
So one of the best times for figuring out who you are and what you really want out of life is right after your break-up. You need to realise if a door has closed as in your relationship it’s because there is now another door wide open and you can walk on through, to find yourself, and love yourself!
Are you struggling with the idea of finding out who you are and not sure where to go?
Does it sound easy…. Heck no! it can be bloody hard…scary….horrible… the unknown of finding out ‘who I am’, ‘what I like’, ‘what I like to do’, ‘where I want to go’… blah blah blah, but we can do this together by acknowledging the following:
1. Don’t compare yourself...
The worst thing you could do right now is think the grass is greener elsewhere.
Everyone has something going on, even the happy ones. We don’t really know what is going on with others even if we think we do, so don’t compare yourself to the one that looks like she has it all, you don’t know. When you start to compare yourself with others, you have already started to disengage with yourself… let it go, don’t compare.
Start embracing you!
2. Put down on paper your 5 principles to live by and start living by them...
I absolutely love Lewis Howes. (Lewis is an American author, entrepreneur, and former professional Arena League football player. He hosts a podcast - The School of Greatness) in Lewis’ latest book he explains how important it is to have a statement of who you will be and what you will stand for in your life, even in the toughest moments. And we already know going through a break-up has its tough moments. Lewis calls them the Personal Principles Declaration (PPD).
This is not a wish list, it’s a declaration to yourself for what you live by no matter what comes into your world!
By living by your PPD you start to live with more purpose. Put these PPD in your phone, stick them up at home where you can easily see them and look at them daily. When you’re having that moment of everything just seems too hard, remind yourself of the PPD.
Take your time with this one. Write down five personal principles you want to live by.
3. Stop telling yourself false stories about yourself...
Stop judging yourself and telling yourself false stories.
Do you say to yourself, “I’m not good enough”. “I won’t find love again”.
Sure it’s on everyone’s mind after a break-up. Finding love after you haven’t worked yourself out though, the relationship won’t work.
The expectations of your new partner that are left over from your prior partner will strain the relationship and you will find yourself in breakdown again…
Be kind to yourself, have faith within yourself. You are good enough. You need to start loving yourself, every part of you, only when you start to respect yourself and give yourself time to heal from within you will realise you are good enough.
4. Release the past with your ex of the person you were...
Hanging onto the relationship the good and the bad of the person you were won’t help you work out who you are now, our behaviours change, especially when the relationship is going south, we tend to behave in a way that is not us.
Let go of the anger and hatred and start hanging out with yourself and finding out who you are and what you want in life.
What kind of future do you want? It’s hard to plan or even dream about a future if you are still holding onto a past that will no longer be in your future. Release him, when you do this you release the expectation of the person you were and can start to find yourself again.
5. What is something you want so bad in life?...
Dream and dream big! What is something you really want and are too scared to get? What is stopping you? The answer is usually YOU! So take some time to think about the things in life you would like to do or have and start making intentions to move closer to them… Just by writing it down and putting the intention out there is the first step to getting closer to what is important to you. Take some time to think about what you want. Why can’t you have it. You can have anything you put your mind to, it may seem unrealistic, and it’s only unrealistic if you don’t do anything about it.
As the Nike slogan says ‘JUST DO IT’, so what’s stopping you?
Starting with these five tips to finding yourself again after your break-up, you will start living with more clarity in life, more love and more happiness.
Still stuck and need more support?
Book in for your free call today and find out how I can support you.