This year for me was quite different.  My children were given a wonderful opportunity to spend time with their father’s family for a holiday in Canada, skiing over the Christmas holidays.  The thought of not seeing them for weeks had me dreading the emptiness feeling, the loss of not waking up and receiving a squeezy hug on Christmas morning. 

Being a single parent, a mother, we tend to put all our energy into our children.  I know I do.  It wasn’t even the thought of being alone over the holidays, it was more about not spending time with them.  My children are teenagers, and even though they don’t need me the way they did when they were younger, I wasn’t about to give up Christmas to see them.  So with that I flew over to Canada to spend time with my children for Christmas. 2016 we had a white Christmas, one to never forget.

I chose to spend a week by myself, exploring Vancouver and meeting wonderful people during my week of solitude. A week where I learnt many things about myself, what it was to feel love, love for myself and respect and love for others.  After my week, I spent Christmas with my children in Whistler.  The holidays this year, will be unforgettable on so many levels.

But what if you don’t have the chance to see your children over Christmas and over the new year, or other loved ones, what if you only see them for part of the time, or perhaps weeks later?  I wonder how their father must of felt, and I am forever grateful I had the opportunity to spend my time with our children.  I didn’t mind where I was, as long I had my children in my presence over the holidays. Canada was a bonus.

During the holidays many of us will remember those who are no longer with us, a marriage that has ended, and not only are you possibly missing your spouse from a separation or a divorce but the family dynamics, the extended family, and maybe family members who have passed too can have an impact on you over the holidays. Holidays should be a happy time, a togetherness time, but after a break-up or a death, it can have you feeling lonely, sad and angry, feelings that only deepen more over this period.

How is your situation over the holidays?  How are you feeling? And what are you doing if you feel low because you are unable to see your children or loved ones?

If you don’t have your children over the holidays remember to cherish the time when you do have them.  The key is to not focus on not having them in your life over the holiday’s but more embracing the time you do.  We can all become so caught up in the hype of Christmas and New Year that we forget to live true to our values.  And what I mean by that is, to not be so caught up with the ‘glam’ of what the holidays should be like, such as the material things.  But the pure love of family itself.

If you find yourself not with your loved ones over the holidays, take the time for yourself.  It could be anything from going for a walk around the neighbourhood.  A sneaky little get away just for you.  Retail therapy with Christmas/New Year sales, or just a bath and your favourite music playing.

This time is also a great opportunity as we lead into 2017 to reinvent oneself

After a break-up you need to remember there is a new beginning.  And with 2017 here it is a great opportunity to recapture what was and embrace what is now.  You now have a chance to look at your life and focus on your health, mindset, spirituality and to be grateful.  The only way you can move into 2017 and reinvent yourself is to focus on these aspects along with being positive and grateful.  Because you cannot be grateful for everything in your life if you are being negative and complaining about what is missing and complaining about what you don’t have.  Be grateful of what you do have and if you don’t have your children or loved ones with you during this period, focus on what you do have and give yourself love. 
 
2017 is a time to choose yourself first and with that watch the transformation to come

Love to you and Happy New Year.

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When coming out of a relationship, it can be very confusing and uncomfortable.  A lot of the time you don’t know if you are coming or going…

It’s important to check in with yourself and your surroundings.  And that also means checking in with the people who are in your life.

Why do you need to check in with yourself? Being in a relationship can become part of your comfort zone… and you may not even realise it.  It becomes part of your everyday life.  When in your comfort zone, you may find yourself with bad habits.  You may have found yourself making excuses for your relationship, saying it’s not that bad, or worst yet, you cannot move on without him.  But when you find yourself out of the relationship, over time you may see that it is actually a blessing, even if at first it hurts too much.

It’s a chance to re-design a new life for yourself.

Leaving can be a difficult decision, or if your partner chose to leave, it can be very hurtful.  When you are in the beginning of your separation, ask yourself when you were in the relationship, who were you? Did you like who you were? 

I hear it so often from women, they don’t feel they were being themselves fully in the relationship, for whatever reason.

Now out of the relationship, are you more committed to your comfort zone than the joy for yourself? Will you continue any bad habits, including the mindset of not moving forward?

Holding onto people in your life who may in fact be holding you back from your recovery will slow you down to move forward… Your recovery maybe slow if you allow your ego to take over, fear to take over?  Are you committed to your joy and your freedom now as a single woman?  It really is a choice. And no it’s not easy, it will be challenging, but you can do it.  You just need to know whether or not you are committed enough to YOU.

Are you being committed to yourself now?

Are you moving on from your relationship break-up?

And if you are, who is currently in your life?  Are you the same with the ones in your life now as you were in your last relationship?  Did you like who you were?  And do you like who you are now?

Let me ask you...
Who is in your life right now?  Family, friends, colleagues. Are they positive, toxic, negative or empowering?  How do you react around them? Notice how you feel when you are around the people in your life.  Do they lift you or drain you?

It’s important to invest your energy into the positive people in your life.  The ones that lift you, make you shine from within. By ensuring you are surrounded by positive people, you are committing to yourself to move forward.  To move forward with love and respect. It’s so important the people in your life are not draining you or are negative.  If you find the ones in your life are negative, be mindful of the time you spend with them.  Can it not be as often?  Do you have a relationship with them, where you can say, you need space from them?  If this is not possible, you may need to let  them go for now.

If you are unsure on how you are in your relationships as you recover from your break-up, try this:  keep a record of your feelings when you are around the people who may be toxic to you.  What are the circumstances?  How are you feeling?  What are your stress levels? Do these people support you?  Or are they putting down your ex or worst you because of your break-up? Journaling at this time is not to keep score of the person who maybe toxic to you, but an indication to see how you feel and possibly transform the relationship you have with them. By noting what is happening and how you feel can help you communicate this with the person who maybe toxic to your healing. Try not to make excuses for them, such as “She is here when I need her”.  “He has supported me financially”.  Even if they are seemingly helping you, is it your comfort zone or their support you want?

Excuses could possibly be holding you back…  Is this really what you want?  Get clear on the relationship.

More importantly get clear on who you are and what you want.