Life can seem uncertain, crazy, and impossible at times and a break-up can totally take you off the rails… If you are feeling like you are off track, you need to ask yourself a few questions and understand where your head is.  What's your story?  Who are you?

I heard Tony Robbins once say, “It’s not what we get that makes us happy, it’s who we become, how we live our life, people can take away things but it’s who we become”.  He always brings inspiring points to his talks and I want to bring some of them to you today.  So with that let me ask you to think about the last thing that went wrong for you?  Did you think it was going to happen?  Or how about when something went right for you… Did you hope for it to happen?

If you say something like “I can’t do this”.  “I should, but it’s too hard”.  You probably will find yourself in these situations.   And the same goes with “I had a great sleep today, so I’m going to have an awesome day”.  “I have independence and enjoy life”.  And you do and are.

What you focus on in life, tends to happen.  You need to be kind to your mind, be aware of your thoughts, and when you do this you feel better.  You will become more empowered and you will do better.  At times a break-up can have you confused in your story, your belief, confused in your head of what your life is supposed to be like.

With my own divorce experience, the thought of leaving a marriage after 20 years with two children, a business we worked hard for, with no family close by, scared the hell out of me. But I told myself I wanted to be happy, I needed to respect myself, I wanted it, and I needed it to live a fulfilled life. But what did that mean?  A fulfilled life, it wasn’t my story, the belief I had dreamed of in my head, I wasn’t living it anymore... And so by pushing through the fear of the unknown I knew I could take my separation and learn about myself during the journey, and with that, revisit my story. I now had/have a chance to learn about myself and push forward and take on anything and everything that would come my way and with that could check-in and my  story was going to be redesigned, and it was going to be ok.

To me that was scary but empowering at the same time.

So what do you want from life? What is your mind telling you about your story now after your break-up?

You need to ask yourself specifically what you want your life to be like, your vision of your future. You need get real with yourself, but don’t have a broad idea,  be clever about it, ask intelligent specific questions about what you want from life, where am I going? and how do I see it now for my future?

Be honest with yourself, be specific, right down to the smallest details.   

Let me ask you; what are some of your best decisions in life? what were they? It could have been anything.  Do you remember it? And when you decided you may have wanted something so important and you went and received it, your mindset was so focused and it happened and you were pleased with your decision. You had clarity, you had an empowered mindset, one that had you with the process of I will!  You may have not even noticed yourself with this empowered mindset, but it was there. Write down what it was, what they were, those decisions, how it made you feel, what time in your life was it, and what was happening in your life at the time.  Did you do it all by yourself?

So now with the whole break-up, do you still find yourself making great decisions, happy with your life and how it is going?  Being clear and knowing what you WANT and WHY you want it, is so important and there is no reason why you can’t get it.  Your plans in life may have changed because of your break-up but it doesn’t mean they are gone for ever.  It’s about rewiring, redesigning your story, your vision.  Maybe money is tighter now with the changes from being in a relationship to now single.  You may not be able to do and have everything you wanted, hoped for, but think about your thoughts, your beliefs.  

Can they be redesigned?  Instead of having that amazing overseas trip next year, can you have it in two years, or can you change it slightly?

It really is that simple.

Are the changes in your circumstances changing who you are?  Who you are becoming since your break-up?  Do you like who you are?

Are you happy or maybe you're angry?  How are you feeling right now? Having BLAME and resentment  will in fact have you in PAIN.  But GROWING and seeing PROGRESS in your thought process, your mindset will have you feeling HAPPY.

Remember this, there is no progress from your break-up if you allow yourself to be angry and holding onto resentment, there is so much energy used when you hold onto this pain.  If the changes in your break-up doesn’t match how you saw your life, you either need to change your vision, your story in order to be happy, so therefore if you can’t change the circumstances, you are going to have to redesign your belief, your vision, your story. 

What are you telling yourself? What’s your story as you move from your break-up?

As Buddha says, “The mind is everything.  What you think you become”. 

Not feeling it? Book in for a complimentary call or session today. 

So you find yourself single, whether it’s your choice or not.  You are now single and no longer in a relationship, whether it was for 3 months, 3 years or decades. 

What do you do?  And how are you treating yourself? 

In the beginning you don’t know whether you are coming or going, you may forget to eat, or eat too much.  Sleeping all day or keeping yourself so busy that you forget to really live life.  Sure I’ve been there, feeling confused, doing this, not doing that, forgetting what I wanted in life, and how I want to live my life.

In the beginning life may feel foreign, and when you feel like it is, you need to ensure you are loving yourself, caring for yourself and know you need to move forward, not backwards or worst, becoming stuck.

You need to ensure you are aware of your behavior, being self-aware is key to ensuring you are living your life to your full potential.

Ok, you maybe feeling overwhelmed and confused right now, but ask yourself, “What do I want from life?” Being single after your break-up you have an opportunity to grow, to love from within and experience life like you never have before. 

You need to take extra care of yourself from being relationship you to single you, and with that I want to share 12 tips and have you taking action now. 

Remember to:

• Take care of yourself emotionally, feel your emotions, such as fear, anger, guilt and grief, you have to release the pain and also remember to do it gently, you and only you know how you are feeling and it’s ok to take your time.  By doing this you will begin to open up and reconnect with yourself.

• Choose to be physically active. Ensuring you are looking after yourself mentally is important, however, also being active is important and by keeping fit you allow to tap into your mental state at the same time.  It doesn’t have to be full on gym sessions 7 days a week, but a brisk walk, yoga, jog, or light weights will have you moving and feeling great.  Being active gives you wonderful mental health and at the same time keeps your energy levels high.
• Focus on moving forward rather than getting caught up in the past – the more you sit and wonder and question “what if”, or trying to over analyse the why, will only prolong your healing to move forward.  Give this time a chance to look at what you have now and focus on the present to make an incredible future.
• Ask yourself what is important? Look at writing down your short term goals and also your long term goals.  By having a focus on what you want out of life even if you think you can’t get it will give you motivation to start moving in the right direction. You need to open up with yourself and be real.
• Journal.   Journal daily if you can, it can help you track your progress, see how you are feeling day to day and what is happening.  You may start to see a pattern whether it is a positive or negative, and with journaling you also have a great way to release what you feel.  There is nothing worse than holding in what you feel, writing it down on paper is a wonderful release.
• Write a mission. Having a personal self-mission is a great way to remind yourself of who you want to be.  Writing either a divorce mission or a YOU mission will ensure you are on the right track.  Going back to your mission often will keep you on track.
• Create new habits – there may have been beliefs and habits you showed during your relationship.  Was it you?  Take this time to look at things differently, I am not saying change, but perhaps look at creating new habits, you have a chance to grow now.  What’s important to you?

• Find ways to include meditation in your everyday life – I am a big believer meditation is a gift from within and with meditation in your everyday life, you will become more grounded, you will find yourself being a better person, a calmer person.  If you cannot sit quietly and meditate with the focus of your breath, try an app.  There are some great apps out there, 1 Giant Mind or buddhify.  If you find guided meditations also a challenge, think of different ways to meditate such as gardening or riding a bicycle.
• Focus on self-love – being kind to yourself gives you respect to yourself.  Self-love can be taking care of your appearance, maybe have a bath and taking the time to just be.  It maybe painting your nails, making your bedroom a sacred area for peace and love.
• Have a healthy diet – be mindful of what you put in your body, it can have major impact in your life, anything from having you feel and look youthful and full of energy, to being overweight, angry with no energy.   Each time you prepare yourself a meal do it with love and take notice what you are putting in your body.  Ask yourself will this food nourish me?  And how do you feel after you eat.  Are you eating to make yourself feel good, or because you are hungry?
• Use affirmations. Affirmations can be a wonderful way to look at your life in a positive way.   Try incorporating them daily by saying simple phrases such as “I am loved”.  Find words, phrases that give you love and positive feedback, words that will lift you. Stick them up around your home, save them on your phone, have them at work, wherever you will see them, and repeat them often to yourself.  See the shift within yourself.
• Have a vision a board. A vision board can be a wonderful way to see where you want your life to go.  Anything you want, be it a healthy fit body, a beautiful home, a happy support group, a holiday, put them on a board, a wall or in a book and start collecting your vision.  Have fun with it, adding colours, textures and words.

Rediscovering who you are and what is new for you can be an exciting time after your break-up.  Embrace it all and make sure to take care of yourself along the journey.