I recently saw a saying on social media and it rang bells with me “The signs you ignore in the beginning are the reasons you leave later. You know right away who’s good or bad for you, don’t ignore that”. So true!
With that I want to share some red flags for when you venture back into the dating world.
Red flags... we tend to not notice in the early stages of dating because we are smitten with him…hmmmm
Ok, so you have decided to ‘get back out there’. It’s seems like forever you have been on a date, right? Well… how do you know if you are dating the right person for you? The only way to find out is to put yourself out there, but first, you need to know what you don’t want in a partner.
Easy enough…. But difficult when you begin to date another who seems perfect on the surface and has you smitten blinding you from the red flags.
For me I have been pretty much single for 4 years, partly by choice and partly by the red flags! Perhaps I have become too comfortable in my singlehood, picky, or just have no patience for a relationship. Whatever it is, you need to ask yourself are you ready to dive in deep with another or are you choosing to see the red flags and move on?
Ok, so here I am 4 years single and have dated on and off, what are some of the red flags?
He focuses on sharing too much of his hatred towards his Ex
It’s a sure fire sign the issues he has of his ex and his hard done by from his ex, is a red flag. A sign he has not let go, is the victim, nor not accepted the break-up for whatever reason. At first I use to think, well he feels comfortable sharing such thoughts, however it is a sign to ‘get out of there’. Someone who focuses on sharing hatred towards their ex is clearly a sign… should you delve into a relationship with this person? Think… you will be surrounded by negative energy and energy that will not go away, there will always be an issue. Something you don’t want in your life. RUN…
Everything is about him
So you are on a date and he tends to speak about himself, constantly… Has he asked you a question about you? Does he interrupt you to share his story when you are sharing something about yourself? When you are getting to know someone, you want to learn about them as they should about you. If you are not able to share and it’s all about him and his life, ask yourself, how do you fit into his life should you jump into a relationship with him?
He becomes too serious too quickly
He is texting you and calling you constantly. Oh it’s nice to have someone new showing you attention. What attention is it you want though? Constant texting “what are you up to” “what are you thinking” “I miss you” all day every day and you have just started dating. This is a sign he has a desperate plea to “let’s move in and live happily ever after”. Someone overtime who could be controlling of the relationship. A new relationship should begin with boundaries. Perhaps you have been single for some time therefore it is nice to get to know someone slowly, while you still have your independence. Jumping into a full on serious relationship with no independence or space is a clear sign it will not last. Watch the signs of how eager your new bae is.
Changes his status of how long he has been single for
If you find yourself with a person who seems to change how long he has been single for, ask yourself has he accepted his separation/divorce? I found I was dating someone who from week to week would change his single status up to a year different! If he is not clear on when he ‘separated’ from his ex, how will you know you will always have the true ‘him’ in the relationship. Does it matter how long he has been single for? And why is he always changing the time of separation? Has he accepted his relationship with his ex is over? And why the justification?
He check’s out when things are tough
If you meet someone who seems to be ‘the one’ but he check’s out and puts his emotions in a box when things are tough, ask yourself, will he be a supportive partner moving forward when you are both going through life together. The reality is, relationships are not always full of rainbows and butterflies such as when you first meet. It has reality in there and if he is not your partner in the early days, I can ensure you he won’t be your supportive partner when you need him the most. If he is pushing you away how can you be on the same page in the relationship? Are you changing within yourself because he check's out?
As the saying goes “The signs you ignore in the beginning are the reasons you leave later. You know right away who’s good or bad for you, don’t ignore that” check in with yourself, notice how you are feeling when you are with him and ask yourself "what do I want out of this relationship".
Don't give up, and don't change your values for the sake of being with someone. Once you know what you don't want in a relationship, you will be in more control of meeting the right one at the right time.