How are you feeling today?

And how are you feeling in your relationships? With a partner, family members, friends, colleagues and even with yourself… Are you being your best self in these relationships?

If you are truly in a healthy relationship whatever type it is, you will feel at your best. When you are not feeling your best, what is happening? What is happening when you surround yourself with these people, are they constantly in your life? and if so, is there love?

Paying attention to how you feel is key to knowing if you are happy and being your best self. I’ve found at times depending who is in my life that I wasn’t being true to my values, lowering my standards to please. I would be questioning myself, or better yet, giving so much to them and getting nothing back. No… I didn’t want anything back, but when you find yourself giving and feeling less than you desire to feel, you need to ask yourself; is the relationship worth it? Worthy for you? Healthy for you?

Are you being your best self?

Be mindful how you are feeling, being in a relationship where you find yourself not being your best self, can have you feeling less than yourself.  Being someone you are not… Going along with something you are not comfortable with.  Maybe you find yourself draining your life energy. Feeling exhausted, depressed, isolating yourself, losing your appetite, or gaining an appetite?  You feel like you are unable to grow. 

Checking in with yourself on a daily basis is really important.

There are some women I support who are considering on leaving their spouse. It’s not my place to say heck yeah, he is not worthy of you, so leave. Key questions asked are, "Are you being your best self?" "Right now what is important to you in life?"

RIGHT NOW

If you are in a relationship that is toxic no matter what type of relationship, you need to ask yourself:
Are we always arguing?
Am I doing what I love to do in my life?
Do I cringe when I see them, or try to avoid them?
Am I being honest with them and myself about how I feel around them?
Have I lost myself, my self-confidence?
Am I happy?

We are constantly evolving, and part of getting older is living, experiencing life, if you are in a relationship, it should allow you to grow into your best, unique, happy self. Relationships are meant to lift you up, not bring you down and belittle you.

What is stopping you for being your best self?

Do you feel pressured to stay in a relationship? And if you do, you need to ask yourself, am I being true to me? Don’t stay in a toxic relationship for the sole purpose of not wanting to be alone. If you feel like this, you need to work out why this is coming up for you, what do you fear about being alone? If you want to leave, you need to ask yourself if I leave, how will it make me feel?

Will I have a chance to be my best self if I am being honest in the relationship?

Sometimes we don’t have all the answers when we find ourselves in a toxic relationship, however, knowing and understanding how you feel, is important. By journaling how you feel, or meditating on it, or finding the right support, you will find the answers. It may seem scary, but the reality is, you are worth being your best self, and there is no one stopping you being that person except yourself.

It’s not easy living in a toxic relationship, but it is easy being your best self, you need to trust yourself and allow the love from within come.

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It's been two years since I ventured to the other side of the world.  On a soul searching experience.  There were lots of confusion on how I felt and what I was going to do, where I was going to be, who the heck I was...

It was daunting, I felt on top of the world, yet felt such sadness at the same time.

I share how going away to a special part of the world help me with my healing after my divorce...

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Do you believe in Karma? I saw a post and reposted it on social media earlier this week.

I checked on the net what the meaning of Karma is: Karma means action, work or deed; it also refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual (cause) influence the future of that individual (effect). Good or bad luck, viewed as resulting from one's actions. So according to the theory of Karma, what happens to a person, happens because they caused it with their actions.

I built Joanne Michelle with the kindness and support for women going through a breakup, a place of positivity, love, forgiveness and calm. Where my support and energy is more on you moving forward than negative feelings towards your ex and wanting revenge and karma to happen. I don’t believe in karma as such, I do believe that however, what you put out you receive. By living a positive healthy life, you will be surrounded by this.

Yes the post I reposted was cheeky, rude, not the image I portray. But I liked it. It was real. The reality is, our lives are not always kittens and roses. We have moments of down... Our moments of doubt when our ex has us wondering about ourselves, the actions he may be behaving affecting our train of thought, our self confidence… perhaps he tries to manipulate and control a situation for their own benefit. I received a comment from a woman who seemed upset and confused. She said it was vindictive when what I coach is about forgiving and moving on with your life. Yes that is true. The post may reflect that.

I’ll share you a little story. I'm human. I am real. I feel pain. And every day I live a life of purpose, a life of love, not only for myself and my children but for my whole family that includes my ex-spouse, even if he doesn’t see it that way. My support to women is to believe in yourself, to love yourself to see the good. By coming from a place of love you are allowing yourself to move forward in a peaceful calm way.

But let’s get real, there are moments of not and it’s ok. Where there are issues you are dealing with, with your ex-spouse, we tend to notice the behaviour (the negative) of them, and indeed ourselves. It is a direct mirror of how the behaviour was in the relationship. If your ex was withdrawn and showing this afterward, it is more than likely he was that way in the relationship. If he is showing a mannerism of being manipulative, insensitive, yes it was probably happening in the relationship. It’s good to be aware of this behaviour as it indicates to you to not set yourself up for unrealistic expectations. By realising this, you have more control of the situations.

From my trainings, experiences and time with my own healing I have learnt to let go, let go of his behaviour. I have embraced who I am and who I have become since my breakup, since my divorce. To be true to me 100%. To not expect or even hope the ex will change… To know that the behaviour whether it is good or bad will reflect how his life will be lived, portrayed. And that also goes for us. What we put out there we will receive in return.

So yes, I saw this post and it was a moment of HA!

You know I try my best, and I know you all try your best too, but sometimes we feel raw and being ok with it is ok. So don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some time. Some time to feel the emotion.

It’s your actions that say it all. Did I take revenge? NO. Did I want karma or thought karma will get him? NO. I never want anything bad or vindictive to happen to my ex-spouse. Or anyone for that matter.

What happened in your relationship does not define who you are today, unless you allow it. What it will do though is help you learn how to move forward, in a positive way. Yes you can learn from your mistakes, from his mistakes, but by living in the past, having resentment, that will not help you to move forward. If your ex-spouse is behaving in a way that may upset you or have you wanting to react in a way that will not serve you. Let go, get legal advice, contact your support team, but don’t stoop to their level, you are better than that and you will get through it.

With this repost, it showed what most of us feel at times, and there is nothing wrong with feeling it. The women I support know I don’t push this karma BS, but I won’t apologise for feeling vulnerable at times and having a moment of feeling yeah maybe it will…

Let’s be real, I am human with feelings, but the most important thing I can say to you, is be true to yourself always.

Let go, you are worth it.

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It had me thinking. Recently I was having my car serviced and decided to stay while it was being completed.  I made myself comfortable, minding my own business reading the final pages of this month’s book club novel (due that night).  I was practically curled up on the waiting area lounge, book in hand, so engrossed as I became closer with no more than 20 pages left, when the gentleman who greeted me only half an hour prior and who took my keys for the service comes over and starts making conversation. 

At first I was ok with the conversation, how many kids? what do you do for a living?, you know, small talk. As the conversation continued I realised he was trying to grab my attention, in a possible dating scenario…The question, "Are you seeing anyone?" Ok, hold your horses, what is happening here… For one it was unprofessional.  And another I was engrossed in my book.

But here I was thinking, can’t I just swipe you left and be done… or scroll past your profile.  And if  we did match, let’s do a little texting, maybe a little banter, possible innocent flirt and then talk on the phone… then perhaps meet…  No, he didn’t want this, he wanted to go right into the conversation; praising how he is not a needy man, can cook, and has his own home and so on.

I wanted to make eye contact to someone and give them the “can you believe this guy” look.  The reality was I wasn’t interested, flattered, hmmm, should I be?  Maybe… but no, wait, I wanted to read my book, swipe while I’m bored and banter when I had time. 

Surely online dating hasn’t done this to me

The beauty of online dating is you can be in bed, in your pj’s have your nice looking well-groomed photos to show and yet, be all crumpled up, playing the game.  Is this what it has become, a game, one that we do when we are bored, one that we do, when we can’t be bothered to go out and meet real people in person and have an adult conversation. Has it become something of, I’m just looking and if I get a match, great, it lifts your spirit… has it made us superficial ?

I found out recently from a colleague as young as 16 are now hitting the online game, is this the only way they know how to meet the opposite sex and date?  And has it now become the way for the over 40’s too…

I find myself grabbing the phone when I am bored, checking profiles, getting on this online game and if you aren’t on the online game, seems I’m not interested…

What has happened to me! 

Friends either roll their eyes that I would jump on this game, and others have joined me, joining the roller coaster where you can easily become overwhelmed, addicted and discouraged all at once.  I’m not bagging online dating, I actually don’t mind it,  as a single parent, it has become convenient.  I have met some incredible men (and not so incredible).  I have met men I would probably never meet, had conversations with different walks of life and been exposed to different lifestyles. 

So online dating, thank you for that, thank you for allowing a single parent to get out there and date, meet new men, but the way we communicate, has it changed? Changed for better or for worst… What do you think?

I looked back to how I first started dating after my marriage break-up, it was a friend of a friend, a blind date setup, met at a bar… but overtime, you look around and everyone is on their phone, swiping! No one is looking up to have a grownup conversation.  So with that I tried different types of online dating sites, and became consumed at times.

Seriously is there online dating anonymous!

Why can’t dating be like it was back in the day, you meet someone out in public there is a casual chat, ok so I guess just like the car service guy, yet all I kept thinking was, you’re in my personal space, please leave.  I wonder if I felt this way because I have adapted to online dating, or was it just him?

Online dating, have you ruined me, or am I just getting with the times like the young ones..? Ha!

Are you dating?  And if you are, are you feeling like me? I would love to hear from you.

Could it be, I'm the only one out there feeling like this…

Until the next swipe… happy dating.

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