We have all been through a break-up and when that first moment is all too real and your relationship is over hits, it hurts… a lot… your heart aches, your appetite disappears and all you want to do is cry, or scream, perhaps both.  However the reality is, at some point you need to let go to move on.  Maybe this is not your first break-up and you have been through it before, and you know you will survive the break-up.  I know it’s hard at first when you are in it, but you will get through it, you just have to let go.

Let me share some tips to help you in the first instance so to having the letting go come easier and having you move on sooner.

Remember why the relationship ended. I am a huge believer we need to focus on the positives from a relationship that has ended, and I don’t want you to stop that, sometimes we tend to want our ex back because we are lonely or scared of the unknown as a single person, so we tend to forget what brought the relationship to the end.  I don’t want you to dwell on it, but for a moment what was it?  Was it him? Was it you?  Be honest with yourself about the relationship.  Did you like the way you were in the relationship?  A lot of the times, we don’t and once you realise and release, the power of moving on sooner and living the fulfilled life you desire begins.

You may be feeling broken, scared even, as if you have been through battle, trying to survive and trying to make sense of the break-up.  Yet, you need to know in your heart, was the relationship serving a positive purpose for you.  Were you truly happy?  Were you being yourself in the relationship?  Take some time to ask yourself; who am I?  And what do I want moving forward? 

Remember, relationships last as long as they are supposed to.  It may feel raw when the relationship ends, but think of what you gain now.  Seek out the lessons from the relationship and about yourself.

Some simple ways to help let go right now, is to clear all social media.  Yes this means taking a break from Facebook or at least defriending your ex.  It may seem drastic if you agreed to stay friends, but the honest truth is, do you want to see what your ex is doing?  I say take a break from Social media just in general, as it can be time wasting and it can also hinder your healing.  Really is everything you see on Facebook or other social media platforms the true picture?  Let social media go for now.

Removing photos and other memories of your ex is a great releasing exercise.  Now I don’t mean throw it all in a heap and put a flame to it, I’m talking about either giving it back or packing it away or if it doesn’t serve a purpose, remove it from your home.  Anything that will remind you of your ex, needs to go and now.  Don’t be hard on yourself when removing items, but remember this is a process and it will take time, but when you begin to release you begin to let go.

Letting go is a way to own yourself back.  Because no one lives their life exactly how they want to today by choosing to wish the past to appear.  The past is that, the past, and you now need to live in the now for a brighter future.  A future where you have control on how you want to live your life.  A life filled with love and joy. And not letting go of the past relationship will have you confused moving forward.

It’s hard to let go, especially when you are wishing your ex back, I’ve been there, but once you begin to love yourself more, you see a brighter future.   It’s like if you decided you didn’t like an outfit anymore maybe it doesn’t fit the way you would like it, would you keep wearing it?  I know an outfit is different to a relationship, but let’s be honest, if it’s not making you happy and you are not being yourself, then why stay. And we all know we would have not worn that outfit again.

My question to you is, how much do you love yourself? Do you want to wake up each day hoping and craving for someone that isn’t right for you? Or do you want to love yourself more each day and live the life that will make you want to wake up and see the beauty all around.  If you choose you first after your break-up, it is then and only then, you will be brave enough to walk the walk alone and when you have the beauty of confidence, anything is possible for you and a relationship.

It’s not the end of you, it’s the end of a relationship.  And when one door closes on a relationship, it makes room for another door to open.

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Over the past year I have had many women and men ask me how to date successfully.

Dating... ha, where does one start. Everyone has a different view, opinion and approach. The key thing is to be yourself 100%, don’t try to be someone else to impress another. If nerves kick in, let the person know how you are feeling, being open and honest will ensure the experience is comfortable and enjoyable (well after those nerves disappear).

Being in a relationship you tend to become comfortable, not really thinking about aspects of your life as you would as a single person who is dating. Whether you have been in a relationship, for a year or 20, the thought of spending time with another person and getting back out there in the dating scene again can be daunting. I know from my own personal experience and from working with others to know it is a normal feeling to have. So don't dismiss it and avoid dating if you want to venture out there.

Today I want to share with you my successful tips when you are ready to embrace dating:

1. Don‘t over complicate it. People can over complicate, over analyse dating, but the reality is, dating doesn’t have to be hard. Look at it as meeting new people. Don’t go into a date as, oh could this person be the one? Go into a date as I am having an opportunity to meet a new person. Having a connection, a conversation, a drink, a meal whatever it is. Look at is as getting out of the house!
2. Think about it as an opportunity to learn. Learn about new people you meet. Learn more about yourself when meeting people you may not normally meet. It’s a wonderful chance to see how you interact with another who may not be from your usual circle. Choosing to be open minded to the new possibilities will have you learning plenty about yourself and how you interact.
3. Go into a date with no judgement. Be open minded and not critical. When you go in with an open mind, you may actually enjoy the company. The reality is you won’t be your true authentic self if you put too much pressure on the date itself. Embrace the person you are meeting, they are also in this and want to meet someone new.
4. Be positive. So your first impressions is of I can’t do this… I’m scared… This person isn’t what I thought (on appearance) but what if you can turn it around and see the light of this person is here to spend time to get to know you. Enjoy the company. For one it is getting you out of the house and two you never know what will happen. You may end up with a beautiful friendship.
5. Don’t talk about your ex and past relationships. It can be hard to not talk about your past relationship, especially if the person you are meeting is talking about their ex. If you find they are talking about their ex, or you are, why not try to be mindful and stop yourself or the person you are spending time with. Even if the topic can be of a mutual situation, it isn’t really showing the other person who you are, it will highlight negatives, and the energy will change. Focus on sharing some positives about yourself. When the conversation focuses on the negatives, I can assure you it will be more than likely to not go any further.
6. Be honest, let them know how you feel. Should you feel uncomfortable, express how you are feeling, if you sense it to be safe. The worst thing you can do is stay longer than you need to if you really feel there is not connection. If the person you are meeting is feeling more towards you and you don’t it would be best to share you don’t have the same mutual feeling. It’s not a negative thing to express. Honesty is definitely the best policy. And vice versa, if you are keen on this person, without being too over excited, express how you feel, at the end of the day you are two grownups and should be able to express how you feel.
7. Be yourself. I mentioned before to be yourself 100%. If you are not, it could be the worst thing you could do. Don’t apologise for who you are. If you like to have a laugh, have a laugh, if you want to comment and pull yourself back to not show your authentic self, then is this the person you should be spending time with? There is something beautiful about being yourself, your whole self, so embrace you when you meet someone new.
8. A kiss goodnight is ok if you feel comfortable. If there is an attraction, there is no point shying away from a goodnight kiss. A kiss can tell you a thousand things. Is there the chemistry attraction that you were feeling during your time with your date? Be true to yourself, if a kiss on a first date is something you don’t do, then don’t. Talk about it with your date, express how you feel. I’m not saying you have to have a goodnight kiss, but if you feel it, why not.
9. Show good manners. Good manners can go a long way. What you put out there and how you show up will make a difference to your dating experience. Thank you and please can make a nice impression. Showing respect towards another is an attractive trait.
10. Have fun and relax. When was the last time you went on a date? The key is to have fun with it. You have an opportunity to meet new and wonderful people, just as they are willing to meet new and wonderful people. Don’t go in all stressed, in fact, it’s a great excuse to dress up and possibly have an enjoyable night out.

At the end of the day, just be yourself. There is only one of you and make sure you are enjoying the next chapter in your life as a single woman, because what is to come will and can be an amazing experience, not to mention a loving relationship when you meet the right person.

If you are still unsure about getting out there, my dating support may just be your answer. You can find more details here, or email me at single@joannemichelle.com.au.

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