How to get closure when your ex won’t give it to you…

Ever heard the line:  It’s not you it’s me?

When a relationship ends, do we need closure?  The validation to understand what happened?

Closure is something everyone wants. Right? We want the validation and understanding. 
But what happens if your ex won’t give that to you?

So perhaps you find yourself in a relationship, one that is loving and full of surprises constantly.  So surprising he begins to drift away from you.  In a way that he stops communicating as much.  He says he’s busy, you want to see him, but work is tying him down. Or maybe you are putting too much pressure on him…  He then stops replying to your messages, returning your calls...

The relationship ends, he no longer can commit to you and to your needs, he has stuff to sort through and it seems you are no longer a priority in his life.  It consumes you, pains you and without any notification or conversation to let go, there is no closure for you.

When a relationship ends, do we need closure?  Yes some do, some need to talk it out and know what went wrong. Questioning “was it him”, “was it me”, “was it just that we were not compatible, or is it the timing”, whatever it is, some people need it.

What do you do if you are in this situation?  When you don’t receive the validation of your break-up you were hoping for?

Is it that the closure is in fact the non communication from your ex? 

You have to understand that everyone deals with a relationship break-up differently.  Men do it different to Women.  It doesn’t mean it’s the right way or the wrong way.  Some people cannot express what they are feeling and therefore don’t express it the way you may want it.  Some people cannot, but what if you want more, the chance to talk, to feel the emotions as you understand…

If you are struggling with closure, ask yourself what is it you want? Is it to have him validate the relationship? If you did receive validation, will it ultimately help you to move forward or make it worst? Or are you being truthful to yourself, and maybe… It’s to get him back?

Would it actually be more painful to push for closure when your ex won’t talk it through, because you want it?

If your ex isn’t giving you what you want, here are 5 tips to help with your closure and to let go:

• Write down how you are feeling.  Talking about how you feel is great, but once you put pen to paper, that is when it starts to make sense.  Journal, get everything out, the way you feel, the pain, the anger, whatever it is you have inside, get it out.  Try writing a letter to him.  Don’t send it, but write the letter and express everything you feel.  If you feel the impulse to send a text, send a text to a girlfriend as if you were sending it to him.  Get it out and see where you are at after you get clear on how you feel and let the emotions out.

 

• Look back to your past relationships, how did they end, what were your past partners like?  Is there a pattern.  See what there was and look from within.

 

• Feel it.  Feel everything that comes with the frustration of not having the closure.  Be angry, be loud, be sad, whatever you are feeling allow it to come, don’t push it away. 

 

• Ask yourself what is it you want from him?  Be honest with yourself about the relationship.  Was it a great relationship?  Was it one that was worthy of your pure and deepest love.   Was it positive for you?  Did it lift you up?  Did he compliment you?

 

• Remember to love yourself first.  He may not want a relationship for whatever reason, but you are always with yourself, so be kind to yourself and remember you will always have love around, if you love yourself first.  Be loving in a way that you would love another. 

This relationship may have ended, be thankful for it and know there will be someone out there for you. Give yourself the time to heal and know that even though you haven’t received his validation, you are worthy and can get through this.  You have loved before and was loved by someone and you will have it again. 

Stand tall and live your life as you move on from this relationship.  You deserve that!

“If you are brave enough to say good-bye, life will reward you with a new hello.” Paulo Coelho

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