Going through a break-up is difficult. It can be just as difficult for your children too.
So how can you ensure your children will be ok?
By giving them the love and support they need during this time.
Following are 7 ways to support your children during your divorce:
1. Let your children know divorce is not their fault. By letting your children know both of their parents love them, gives them security for their future.
2. Normality is very important during a divorce for your children. You may need to move to a new home*, if this is the case, try keeping their school, after school activities, friendships the same. If you have to move home, keep it positive, include the children in small decision making, such as having them choose their rooms and having their input of where the furniture in the living rooms could go.
3. Don't fight with your ex in front of your children. If you are fighting in front of your children it makes your children uncomfortable and they start to worry and possibly find themselves getting involved and sticking up for one of their parents. The stress of this can be damaging for your children long term. Children don’t need to see it or feel it. A lot of the time, children don’t understand what adult issues are going on, even though they think they do. It’s a lot for them to cope with.
4. Be there for your children. Continue supporting your children in their chosen activities, even if your ex is there. Children need their parents support right now. If you are not on good talking terms with your ex, then stay on the other-side.
5. Open up communication with your children and let them express how they feel. It maybe things you don’t want to hear. However, by allowing your children to express their feelings, will bring you closer and you will have a better understanding of what they are going through. Accept what they have to say. Respond to them in a positive way, by understanding what they are expressing.
6. Don’t push your ex’s family away from your children. Right now they need to be around all of their family, on both sides. The support from their Grandparents or an Aunt or Uncle can be very beneficial. If they are shutting you out and not wanting to express how they are feeling, talking to another adult they trust often may help them deal with their emotions.
7. Don’t put your ex down to your children. This is not the time to feed your children with negative thoughts you have about their father. Your children shouldn’t have to be your sounding board, they shouldn’t have to choose. If you feel you are wanting to express your pain, you should find a close friend, therapist or coach to help you.
*remember a home is where you are with your children. It doesn't matter where you end up, it matters you are together supporting.
My coaching program offers tailored, practical advice and strategies to help you move forward, including advice on how you can support your children during this time.
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