I saw the words “Happiness is seeing your Mom happy” on a Facebook post a while ago and it really made me think of how I was feeling at the time.
Going through a break-up and trying to be happy all the time for my children was tough…
Showing your children you’re happy is wonderful, what happens if you don’t feel happy? What if you are having that bad day and you don’t feel it?
Happiness… is seeing your Mom happy. Right?
Being a single parent is tough at times. You lose the support you once had in the home, you know… the good cop and bad cop combo. You may find yourself being Mum and Dad at times. Trying to discipline and then trying to be the fun one. You want to scream and cry but try to show your children you are always happy.
Smiling when you want to cry.
Crying when you know you should be smiling.
DON’T FAKE IT!
Sure when our children see us happy it’s a sense of security for them. The reality is when you go through your break-up there are times when you aren’t happy and its ok.
During the first few months of my break-up, I cried, a lot, I hid it from my children and it was hard. I wasn’t acknowledging my emotions wholly. I was pushing the feelings away and ignoring them. By doing this I wasn’t being true to me and by not being true to me I wasn’t being true to my children. It’s really important to feel the pain, the anger, the sadness all of it. Allowing yourself time to acknowledge your feelings is part of the healing process.
It’s ok to show your children how you are feeling. Don’t hide it. Be true to yourself. It’s ok if they see you breakdown, it’s real, and you are showing them it’s not always happy times. Yes we want to protect our children from sadness, from hurt, but is it the right way? Will they learn from this if we are always protecting them and saying everything is ok, when it may not be?
Communicating with your children about how you are feeling and about how they are feeling is a great way to support each other. By being open and communicating about how you feel, not by negative talk about their father, but more on if you feel sad or unsure… gives you great strength in healing.
Don’t feel guilty or ashamed when you don’t feel happy. This will pass over time. By avoiding your feelings through your break-up you won’t find the place of happiness.
We try to avoid pain to protect ourselves, but what we resist will persist, don’t resist it, feel it. Being true to yourself and being real is a lot healthier, than hiding it and pretending to be happy.
Remember a good cry is break-up medicine. Let it out and release it.
HAPPINESS is seeing your Mom being true to herself and communicating with you and sharing her true love with you.