When coming out of a relationship, it can be very confusing and uncomfortable. A lot of the time you don’t know if you are coming or going…
It’s important to check in with yourself and your surroundings. And that also means checking in with the people who are in your life.
Why do you need to check in with yourself? Being in a relationship can become part of your comfort zone… and you may not even realise it. It becomes part of your everyday life. When in your comfort zone, you may find yourself with bad habits. You may have found yourself making excuses for your relationship, saying it’s not that bad, or worst yet, you cannot move on without him. But when you find yourself out of the relationship, over time you may see that it is actually a blessing, even if at first it hurts too much.
It’s a chance to re-design a new life for yourself.
Leaving can be a difficult decision, or if your partner chose to leave, it can be very hurtful. When you are in the beginning of your separation, ask yourself when you were in the relationship, who were you? Did you like who you were?
I hear it so often from women, they don’t feel they were being themselves fully in the relationship, for whatever reason.
Now out of the relationship, are you more committed to your comfort zone than the joy for yourself? Will you continue any bad habits, including the mindset of not moving forward?
Holding onto people in your life who may in fact be holding you back from your recovery will slow you down to move forward… Your recovery maybe slow if you allow your ego to take over, fear to take over? Are you committed to your joy and your freedom now as a single woman? It really is a choice. And no it’s not easy, it will be challenging, but you can do it. You just need to know whether or not you are committed enough to YOU.
Are you being committed to yourself now?
Are you moving on from your relationship break-up?
And if you are, who is currently in your life? Are you the same with the ones in your life now as you were in your last relationship? Did you like who you were? And do you like who you are now?
Let me ask you...
Who is in your life right now? Family, friends, colleagues. Are they positive, toxic, negative or empowering? How do you react around them? Notice how you feel when you are around the people in your life. Do they lift you or drain you?
It’s important to invest your energy into the positive people in your life. The ones that lift you, make you shine from within. By ensuring you are surrounded by positive people, you are committing to yourself to move forward. To move forward with love and respect. It’s so important the people in your life are not draining you or are negative. If you find the ones in your life are negative, be mindful of the time you spend with them. Can it not be as often? Do you have a relationship with them, where you can say, you need space from them? If this is not possible, you may need to let them go for now.
If you are unsure on how you are in your relationships as you recover from your break-up, try this: keep a record of your feelings when you are around the people who may be toxic to you. What are the circumstances? How are you feeling? What are your stress levels? Do these people support you? Or are they putting down your ex or worst you because of your break-up? Journaling at this time is not to keep score of the person who maybe toxic to you, but an indication to see how you feel and possibly transform the relationship you have with them. By noting what is happening and how you feel can help you communicate this with the person who maybe toxic to your healing. Try not to make excuses for them, such as “She is here when I need her”. “He has supported me financially”. Even if they are seemingly helping you, is it your comfort zone or their support you want?
Excuses could possibly be holding you back… Is this really what you want? Get clear on the relationship.
More importantly get clear on who you are and what you want.
Who you surround yourself with, you become....