We have all been through a break-up and when that first moment is all too real and your relationship is over hits, it hurts… a lot… your heart aches, your appetite disappears and all you want to do is cry, or scream, perhaps both. However the reality is, at some point you need to let go to move on. Maybe this is not your first break-up and you have been through it before, and you know you will survive the break-up. I know it’s hard at first when you are in it, but you will get through it, you just have to let go.
Let me share some tips to help you in the first instance so to having the letting go come easier and having you move on sooner.
Remember why the relationship ended. I am a huge believer we need to focus on the positives from a relationship that has ended, and I don’t want you to stop that, sometimes we tend to want our ex back because we are lonely or scared of the unknown as a single person, so we tend to forget what brought the relationship to the end. I don’t want you to dwell on it, but for a moment what was it? Was it him? Was it you? Be honest with yourself about the relationship. Did you like the way you were in the relationship? A lot of the times, we don’t and once you realise and release, the power of moving on sooner and living the fulfilled life you desire begins.
You may be feeling broken, scared even, as if you have been through battle, trying to survive and trying to make sense of the break-up. Yet, you need to know in your heart, was the relationship serving a positive purpose for you. Were you truly happy? Were you being yourself in the relationship? Take some time to ask yourself; who am I? And what do I want moving forward?
Remember, relationships last as long as they are supposed to. It may feel raw when the relationship ends, but think of what you gain now. Seek out the lessons from the relationship and about yourself.
Some simple ways to help let go right now, is to clear all social media. Yes this means taking a break from Facebook or at least defriending your ex. It may seem drastic if you agreed to stay friends, but the honest truth is, do you want to see what your ex is doing? I say take a break from Social media just in general, as it can be time wasting and it can also hinder your healing. Really is everything you see on Facebook or other social media platforms the true picture? Let social media go for now.
Removing photos and other memories of your ex is a great releasing exercise. Now I don’t mean throw it all in a heap and put a flame to it, I’m talking about either giving it back or packing it away or if it doesn’t serve a purpose, remove it from your home. Anything that will remind you of your ex, needs to go and now. Don’t be hard on yourself when removing items, but remember this is a process and it will take time, but when you begin to release you begin to let go.
Letting go is a way to own yourself back. Because no one lives their life exactly how they want to today by choosing to wish the past to appear. The past is that, the past, and you now need to live in the now for a brighter future. A future where you have control on how you want to live your life. A life filled with love and joy. And not letting go of the past relationship will have you confused moving forward.
It’s hard to let go, especially when you are wishing your ex back, I’ve been there, but once you begin to love yourself more, you see a brighter future. It’s like if you decided you didn’t like an outfit anymore maybe it doesn’t fit the way you would like it, would you keep wearing it? I know an outfit is different to a relationship, but let’s be honest, if it’s not making you happy and you are not being yourself, then why stay. And we all know we would have not worn that outfit again.
My question to you is, how much do you love yourself? Do you want to wake up each day hoping and craving for someone that isn’t right for you? Or do you want to love yourself more each day and live the life that will make you want to wake up and see the beauty all around. If you choose you first after your break-up, it is then and only then, you will be brave enough to walk the walk alone and when you have the beauty of confidence, anything is possible for you and a relationship.
It’s not the end of you, it’s the end of a relationship. And when one door closes on a relationship, it makes room for another door to open.
Over the past year I have had many women and men ask me how to date successfully.
Dating... ha, where does one start. Everyone has a different view, opinion and approach. The key thing is to be yourself 100%, don’t try to be someone else to impress another. If nerves kick in, let the person know how you are feeling, being open and honest will ensure the experience is comfortable and enjoyable (well after those nerves disappear).
Being in a relationship you tend to become comfortable, not really thinking about aspects of your life as you would as a single person who is dating. Whether you have been in a relationship, for a year or 20, the thought of spending time with another person and getting back out there in the dating scene again can be daunting. I know from my own personal experience and from working with others to know it is a normal feeling to have. So don't dismiss it and avoid dating if you want to venture out there.
Today I want to share with you my successful tips when you are ready to embrace dating:
At the end of the day, just be yourself. There is only one of you and make sure you are enjoying the next chapter in your life as a single woman, because what is to come will and can be an amazing experience, not to mention a loving relationship when you meet the right person.
If you are still unsure about getting out there, my dating support may just be your answer. You can find more details here, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Break-ups suck! There I said it.
Let’s face it we have at some stage in our life been through one. And it was painful. Some take longer to move on from the relationship and some can be ok while moving forward in a positive way.
The reality is it will take time. And you are human. Meaning, you need to be ok with everything you feel about your break-up. The ups. The downs. And everything in between. Break-ups are not supposed to feel awesome, even if you chose to leave. So if you initiated the break-up you may have the ability to move forward with strength, and be ok when there are days, and moments, snippets of here and there that will bring up an emotion. Don’t ever push your feelings, your emotions that pop up away. By doing this, you really are just putting a band aid on it.
Ignoring how you are feeling, will prolong your recovery.
I come across so many people in different stages of their break-up. One key thing I see in most… is without understanding yourself during this time, it will be difficult to navigate away from the relationship and gain self confidence back. What won’t help you through your break-up is hostility towards your ex. Anger towards your ex. I want you to show grace and dignity during this transition. And why the hell not! You are amazing.
Do you remember who you were before you were in your previous relationship? A lot of time one forgets. We get so caught up in the relationship and the break-up, that we forget who we truly were. And are today. So who the hell are you? What is it you want in life? Big questions, and ones that need an answer, maybe not right this moment, however, you do need to get clear on who you are as you transition from your relationship and into the new you.
How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning?
I want you to stand tall. I want you to own who you are. I want you to show class and dignity towards your ex and towards yourself. You have a choice right now on how you react, and how you behave. Use your energy in finding the positives. Use your energy in loving yourself a little more each day. Can you imagine if we all showed a little more love to each other and to ourselves, and thanked the relationship how much easier it is to move on.
It will take time and it can be difficult, but you have it in you. So let’s rejoice together and stand tall! Support is here for you.
Remember to download your free eBook on successfully navigating from your break-up.
Click here to download today.
A free Facebook group has been setup for you and I want you to join it with me. Together we can get through this one day at a time. If you are an Aussie woman wanting to feel empowered, join me today. Click here to join.
I hear often...
“But I’m a single mum, I can’t do that or commit to that”.
“I’m a single mum and don’t have the funds”.
“I’m a single mum and it’s hard”.
I know I have been there with the same beliefs. The words I use and the stigma of being a 'single mum' had me thinking recently, are we focusing more on the ‘victim’ mindset of being a single mum and the reality it is hard, or could we change the negative stigma of what a ‘single mum’ is and embrace the endless possibilities of being empowered. Sure we have tough days, and maybe we can’t have everything we had before. But having a negative mindset with being a single mum I don’t want anymore.
Because I am a woman, yes a single woman, yes a mum who co parents, however, I am still a woman with a mission to live my best life. And every time we say but… I am a single mum… but… I have to do this myself… we find ourselves living a struggled life. The story you tell yourself is the life you will live. You need to feed your mind with the belief you are more than a 'single mum' you need to focus on positive and empowering thoughts, thoughts, beliefs that share the story of who you want to be and how you want to feel.
So what about we change it? Change the story we tell ourselves and focus on who we are as a woman and embrace the tough days because the reality is, you are better off than being is a hostile or unloved relationship. What if you could be in a loving relationship with yourself and accept everything that comes your way.
Taking out the ‘single mum’ status and owning who I am has me in control of what I want in life. It has me empowered. It makes me want to show my children anything is possible even when your life you once thought was going one way, can in fact head in a different direction, a direction that will work well for you! You have a choice.
Who is with me?
What will you choose today? To accept the negative stigma that it will be challenging every day, or be empowered with a clear mindset of what you want moving forward?
Two effective tips you can do today to ensure you are being empowered by your status and not using it to not live your life are:
Have a mission, a mission of you!
I mentioned about having a loving relationship with yourself and there is no better way to get clear than writing a mission for yourself. Let’s grab pen and paper and start writing. Having a personal self-mission is a great way to remind yourself of who you want to be. What is true for you? What person do you want to be today and every day after?
Getting clear on your core values.
Getting clear on your core values, sets you up day in and day out. It enables you and ensures you are on the right track with you daily choices. If you are always telling yourself the story of struggle but one of your core values is striving to do my best everyday. Then how does that work for you? Get clear and live the way you want to. Choose 3-5 important core values for you, not for anyone else but for you to live by.
Embrace who you are and change your mindset, change the story you are telling yourself and live your life all of it the ups and the downs and be empowered everyday.
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12 steps to navigate sucessfully from your break-up